The World of a Little Girl Named Maria

A Little Piece Of Heaven

2011-03-19T22:04:00.000-07:00

"Cause I always really knew that my little crime

Would be cold, that's why I got a little heater for your thighs

And I know, I know its not your time, but bye bye

And a word to the wise when the fire dies

You think it's over but it's just begun, but baby don't cry

You had my heart, at least for the most part.

Cause everybody's gotta die sometime

We fell apart, lets make a new start

Cause everybody's gotta die sometime

But baby don't cry"

A while ago, I was looking through my old notes and I saw these lyrics on one of my math notes. My former crush, Robert had written them, and then scribbled them out with his pen during Spanish. I remember when I first read them, I thought they were very nice lyrics... I regret not asking him why he wrote them down and then scribbled them out, because now I have various little thoughts floating around in my mind, thinking why would he write these lyrics, out of all the songs he has ever heard on my notes? I recall him writing other ones before... but they were stupid.

Those were the days... he and I would talk a lot... and it was all going good. We would do the silliest things really... write lyrics, draw, talk on the phone, text everyday... where did it all go wrong?

When I posted these lyrics up on Tumblr a month ago, William was able to figure out where the lyrics came from, and he was able to correct them, since Robert didn't write them properly. I then looked up the song and it was "A Little Piece of Heaven" by Avenged Sevenfold. I honestly haven't heard their music, nor did I ever find it appealing... but this song is alright. I like it. The sad thing is that now every time I hear it, I feel like crying.

As angry and as bitter as I am towards Robert, I cannot completely hate him. Not at all. Maybe because it has always been in my nature be too nice to people, no matter how much they've put me through. At the same time, I feel fear. And maybe that's why I avoid talking to him now. Because I am scared that he will lie to me, lead me on and just bail. I don't feel like I can trust him at all, nor do I believe that he sees me as a friend. So in the end, I don't see a point in any of this anymore, and it has become one of those other situations in life that is so depressing for me, that I would rather not remember it... but the reality is, I can not stop thinking about it and I will always beat myself for it. Always. Its a part of who I am... and this whole experience has molded me into how I am at the moment. Maybe someday it'll mold me for something better. Who knows.

Well, goodnight.

Peace and Love

Xoxo

Maria

The Boredom of 7th Period

2011-03-15T14:10:00.000-07:00

I honestly do not remember the last time I blogged here... I have gotten more attached to using Tumblr,. But since Tumblr is blocked from my school, I am blogging here.

Who looks at this anymore? If you do... I admire you. You remain here, at a nearly abandoned blog page, hoping for an u[dated post to come very soon. And here it is!

I'm bored.. in my 7th period class, and I am absolutely frustrated. I want to go home, do homework and then head out to hang out with my best friend. I guess I can get some of my homework over with before I hang out with her. It sucks that I have SAT prep in the evening, so I wouldn't be able to hang out with her as much as I want to. I am dying. So much work.

Actually, I can do homework right now. So I guess I shall get it over with. Well, SOME of it. So... toodles! This post really served no purpose, only a way to get distracted. What a shame.

Peace and Love
Xoxo
Maria

Tears, Hugs, Sighs

2011-01-27T16:58:00.000-08:00

Soo... hello. Anyone who is reading this. I haven't blogged here for awhile. I actually went to go check it out and I felt this odd desire to post something. This was my first blog after all, and I guess it gives me a sort of comfort to blog.

It's the first month of the new year. (The last days of January actually) It has been a decent month really. It had a rough beginning and its having a rough ending.

Today especially was a very difficult day. Especially since yesterday. My crush was acting like a complete asshole with me. I know that some guys just like to act immature at times and they enjoy bugging girls a lot, but this time I was angry, and him being an immature prick didn't help.

To make matters worse, I heard something today that I was not very fond of, and I felt as if I was going to feel pressured sooner or later.. or rushed. I was overwhelmed and frustrated. So my day started off like shit. I immediately began to cry and I spent my day crying on and off. People saw me and they asked if I was okay. Sometimes I would say yes. Sometimes I would shake my head and say no. Other people came to me and they gave me hugs. It was comforting to know that some people asked if I was okay (even my Chemistry teacher). At the end of the day though, as soon as I got home I went to my room and I just cried. I cried as much as I could to let it all out. It helped, and I definitely feel more calmer. My mind just feels much more clearer, and I feel more comfortable knowing about what I should do.

The only obstacle I have now is that I can not let my nerves get in the way. They have been doing that the entire time, and it can't last much longer. If they do, I will stick myself more into my frustration and such... I won't get anywhere with being nervous either.

This also applies to something else I have to do. I have to talk to someone, and make plans one last time to see them. I can't believe it to this day that they are moving, and I don't want them to leave, but things in life happen... and not everything can always remain the same. So, I have to stop being scared, take the lead, make a move and hope it all turns out for the best. :]

Well... I am done writing. This made me feel much better.

Peace and Love

Xoxo

Maria

Letting It Out

2010-12-05T23:12:00.001-08:00

I need an outlet. And I am stuck. I am hoping no one reads this. But if you do, I beg you, please keep it to yourself.

I'm angry... I want to cry. Over the stupidest thing.

What first started as a small joke, went an entirely different direction as somebody chose to mention someone that still hits a sensitive note inside of me.

Of course I said nothing.
And, I don't find the joke amusing.

-sighs-

Mood Swings

2010-10-09T19:21:00.000-07:00

I remember having a dream. A very nice dream as a matter of fact.

Except... I forgot about it.

Shame.

Anyways, I woke up today to my mom waking me up, telling me it was about to be nine. I had slept since 11, cause I ended up knocking out after replying to Karen and Robert. I slept nine hours. It felt good to sleep after waking up so early for school for the past five days. Wretched school, you deprive me of my sleep, you piss me off so much.

As the day progressed on, I realized I was not in a very good mood. Goodness, it has been a roller coaster today. I got mad at some point, over some meaningless thing, and then even listening to some songs made me want to cry, or I felt very blah. Really, I had no reason to be either one of these ways; I guess you can say hormones are at their highest today, as I have had my monthly dilemma of mood swings.

They actually started yesterday. I had gotten really mad over 2 vocabulary words that Fredy and Diego did not know for the group quiz. This plus my competitive nature did not help me cool down. Not to mention, I messed up my phone again, and I was just pissed and freaking out. Stress added, a hectic but good day overall.

Anyways, long story short, today was more or less the same. But it has ended well, and I just wanted to post this about mood swings cause well... its something that makes me mad about myself. I guess its natural... but I wish I knew how to control them, you know? Haha.

I guess I'll learn to later on.

Well, goodbye!

Peace and Love
Xoxo
Maria

I Don't Know

2010-10-05T21:24:00.000-07:00

That is the title of my blog post today. I am currently talking to Robert on the phone. The guy is sleepy, and he isn't really creative about what the title for my blog should be.

Then again. I think it kind of applies for today. Today was a pretty mediocre day, a lot of unclarity in the air, a lot of doubts and questioning. There is no right answer, but you just don't know the answer either. Well for me that is.

I don't know a lot of things.

I don't know why things are the way they are with my friends at times. Sometimes I find myself getting a bit mad at them, like in Chemistry, because I was jealous and I felt left out. Then I found myself being really happy in 7th period because I felt in sync with them, I felt laughter and joy.

I don't know why this conversation with Robert is so quiet at the moment. I guess its because he is sleepy and not in a good mood. It has gotten a bit awkward really, but at the same time I guess we feel a bit at peace with this sort of silence. We just do not know what to say and it is best to remain silent... and hear the constant vibrations of his phone because he keeps receiving text messages. -_-

I don't know why I overthink things a lot. Some things aren't even worth overthinking anymore. Yet there I am, overthinking them, because I believe there is something to think about. Ehh, little by little though I am trying not to overthink about certain things. So I guess that is swell.

And I just said I don;t know.

Robert said I am writing too much. I guess he can hear the loud clacking of my keyboard. I wonder if my parents can too.

I don't know.

I don't know how tomorrow might go. I hope tomorrow goes well. I hope tomorrow is full of optimism and joy. I don't know if tomorrow might be another day of pent up emotions though, another day where I won't be able to speak. It just slowly oozes out when I want it to ooze out. And that is when I am alone.

I simply don't know.

Well, I am done blogging. I want to make a conversation with Robert. I have about 30 minutes to do so.

Peace and Love

Xoxo

Maria

A New Month, A Few New Realizations

2010-10-04T21:01:00.000-07:00

Currently, I am listening to One Night Only, and doing AP U.S History.

Actually, I decided to take a break. I am doing three outlines per day this week, since I don't want to have any for the weekend, and besides, I have a reunion to plan. So, I want to have as little homework as possible.

Anyways, I hope that whoever is reading this, if ANYONE... is doing well.

Honestly, I believe no one reads this anymore. Yet, I still have an attachment to it. I feel I have to write in it every once in awhile, hoping that someday someone will read it and say "Hey, at least they kept things up to date."

Just saying.

I'm entering my fourth week of my Junior year. I am much more adapted to everything. As a matter of fact, I am doing way better than just adapted. I feel more good about this year, way better than I felt at first.

I guess its the people I have chosen to let in, or continued to keep. I still have Albina, Diego, Karen and Samantha at school. Not to mention Erika, even if she is not in school, but she is one of my best friends in the entire world, and I still have her there. But now I talk to other people more. Like Richard, Fredy, Wendy, Jessica, but most importantly someone I have gotten to be better friends with- Robert.

Don't get me wrong. I don't like him. I hate it when people assume that. But he has become one of the most significant people in my life. I'm not sure I can call him a best friend, as I find myself incapable of trusting him with much of my stuff as I do with my other friends, but I do trust him to a certain extent and I know that little by little these boundaries will loosen up. Not to mention, its awesome, you have no idea the amazing feeling I get when I know that he trusts me with stuff.

There's definitely some deep significance to that because quite frankly, nowadays I feel that most people still cannot trust others as much, whether it be the past, or they are just not comfortable. When it comes to me personally, getting someone's trust is something I have definitely tampered with, so I feel very little optimism to gain somebody's trust anymore, no matter how much I try to do my best to move on from the mistakes I have committed.

So, once again, back to the point. I feel very happy in this case about at least gaining some of his trust, and I know that as our friendship keeps progressing we will be able to say more as we go along.

Besides the trust though, Robert is his own person. He is awesome! He is a distraction though, especially in Spanish, but I enjoy talking to him a lot. We can never stop laughing and we always bug each other. Sometimes he pranks me, he pisses me off, but hey, I have to admit, they make things way more fun at times.

That's my good friend Bobby Antonio. Heh. :D

As I mentioned before, I am doing much better than I did in the first few weeks of school. I don't feel so reminiscent as before, unless I truly do think about it. I rarely do though, and I found myself being reminded of the same thing. Actually, the same person. Brandon.

Nowadays when I think of Brandon, I get some negative feeling. A sense of anger actually. Anger because I was a fool. Anger because I would see his statuses on Myspace and ow he loved his girlfriend- yet there he was flirting with me about wanting to hang out with me?

It's horrible how I got myself into a situation like that in the first place. I never should have been involved in an affair I guess. At the same time, I don't regret it. I actually had feelings for him, and I am not ever going to regret that. They were real, genuine, passionate feelings. I guess the only thing I didn't like about it was the fact I never really had a chance. Yet I chose to believe that I did, because I thought I was capable of taking him away. But I am not capable of doing that. If I did, it would be like if I were some thoughtless, selfish being. And I don't really want to be that kind of person again.

I guess you can say, I have begun to take the step forward to move on. I don't know if I will ever talk to him again. I don't know how I will react if he were to lure me in; I'm afraid I might be swayed easily again. I always do. Time will tell though, and whatever happens... happens.

Well, I guess for the time being I am done blogging. I unfortunately did not say all I wanted to say, since I lost track of time, but I am sure I will post up something later on. Maybe I will mention it then. :]

Peace and Love

Xoxo

Maria

First Day of Junior Year

2010-09-13T17:15:00.000-07:00

Today was my first day of school! My first day of being a Junior. It felt odd, felt dull, felt alright. It was nice to see some familiar faces, some new ones. I saw some changes, and some things that remained the same. Today, my fear and my stresses about the new year slowly decreased, and I hope hat I am not like this for so long. I want to be more relaxed during my school year, even though I know that there will be tons and tons of work.

Either way, my day went well. Nothing really exciting, just going through each of my new classes, meeting ONE new teacher, since the rest of my teachers I have had them before. As a matter of fact, this year I'm not going to have to move around much. I have Avid, Pathways, AP English and Math Analysis in the same class room! So, in a way its good. But it will get kind of boring to be stuck in the same room four four hours during the school day.

Not to mention, I have Spanish. Again. Because apparently now colleges strongly recommend three years or something. So I am stuck with Spanish, even when I told my counselor during the summer I wanted P.E. To be honest, I did not like the idea about having Spanish so I was a bit sour about it. But then I got used to it, and now I am kind of hoping I don't get switched out of Spanish. It's just this feeling I get being back in that class, with my 9th grade Spanish teacher, with Samantha, Rosendo, Robert, Jessica as well as a few other people who I get along with and who I even had in 9th grade. But if I do get switched out, bummer I guess... but hey! P.E is good too. I haven't had it in a year so its about time I got back to some Physical Education! Hah, it might help me get back in shape. Besides, its good to get out of the classroom for at least an hour by doing something outdoors. Well, one or the either, I am good with both.

I got nostalgic at a few points. Goodness, I love that word. Haha. But back to the point, I did get like that at times. As I walked to class and I looked up at the balconies, I had memories come to me. They flooded my mind and I was reminded of good things, don't get me wrong. But by the end they left me with this sick feeling. It gave me a sense of longing. I missed that feeling, that genuine good feeling. No one will understand what I mean by this. Not really. Because I don't mention it to anyone anymore. Well... except for now. Haha. But no worries, everyone has nostalgia I guess. :P
I did have other moments like that, even while eating Chocolate bear grahams. Crazy, I know.

Anyways... I know I may not have much homework, but I actually want to get it over with. Maybe I can do other things afterward, if I actually stick and focus to it.

Hopefully tomorrow I have a good day. And I can probably stay more quieter than I did today. XD

Peace and Love
Xoxo
Maria

Tuesday Evening

2010-08-31T20:26:00.001-07:00

I spent today indoors, and it felt pretty good to stay in. I think today was a great day for doing exactly just that.

Usually when I stay in though, I don't do much that's exciting. And today was the same. I pretty much stayed in bed till 12, showered, dressed, and immediately got online. Ate lunch, began hearing music (I still am) and I began work on AP U.S History. I got pretty far ahead, so I am glad about that. It's the last chapter I have to take notes on too. The rest, I'll just plan to read as much of the textbook as I can. Other than that, I texted, ate some more, and that's basically my Tuesday summed up in a paragraph.

Right now, I don't seem to be in the mood to do much. I was supposed to talk to Erika on the phone... but I guess that didn't happen. :/

My alternative clearly came to be blogging.

Today though, I almost wanted to cry. I saw this video of a girl throwing dogs in a river, and she was laughing about it. I felt so sad, it made me feel so bad that she could do such a thing. It really hit me how there are some people in this world that intentionally want to hurt others. It's sad how this world has a lot of negativity.

At the same time though, I realized there are people in this world that want what's best for people. They want to make the world a better place. And bad people are always going to be there; this world isn't perfect. As long as there's a good person in this world, with great intentions, this world isn't so bad.

Huh, I just realized that today I had to clean out my backpack. See, my bag of lays popped open in my bag and they all spilled. (That's a dollar gone to waste), so I had to clean up my backpack. After that I had to empty out the smaller pocket because my mom was gonna wash my backpack. And I found more of my little notes! Some were notes between me and Diego. Some were games between me and Diego. Others were just more of my little writings, and they were different compared to the ones of the previous semester.

I also found this pin that was given to me in my Theater class! I definitely enjoyed finding that pin, and I am going to put it in my backpack once school starts, because I whenever I see it, I will always be remembered about my Theater class. I loved that class so much, so many great memories with so many great people. It was definitely one of my highlights of tenth grade.

Not to mention a whole bunch of squared and rectangular pieces of colored paper. Which at first, I didn't remember why I had them in my backpack. But then I remembered! I wanted to make a clay model of M.C! And I was gonna give it to Robert or something. That ended up never becoming a reality, since I procrastinated, and I got frustrated easily with trying to make a drawing of the buildings in M.C.

... I just realized that from 7:00-8:30 I was supposed to be reading some books relating to U.S History. Clearly I failed... since I got distracted with this blog, and as I said I am not in the mood, I am a bit tired from AP. But I think I will, just to check off that list. (Yes. I made a list).

Anyways, I am going to end this post already. I ran out of things to write. I'll probably write when something interesting comes up.

Peace and Love

Xoxo

Maria

Tuesday Morning

2010-08-31T11:00:00.001-07:00

I'm awake, almost about to be eleven. I'm feeling pretty restless, a bit thoughtful, and hopeful.

... Typical.

My Hangout With Erika and Karen

2010-08-30T21:05:00.000-07:00

Today, after I don't know... 4 months or so, I finally talked to Erika again, as well as hang out with her. I must say, this brings me a great joy in my heart, and I am happy to have a friend once more in my life.

It was pretty unexpected too. Karen and I were supposed to meet up with her this Thursday, but she wasn't able to, so it was immediately moved to today. As soon as I woke up, I got the message from Karen and a half hour later I began to get ready. By the afternoon we arrived at her place, and I know that for all three of us it was really awkward. We hadn't talked in months, and things were pretty much tense.

But I must say, we were able to clear things out, and set them behind us. We were going to start a new page. We started it pretty great too. Heh, we went out for some Korean BBQ, (delicious btw) and we just made a good amount of conversation. And as always, Erika took pictures. Haha. :D

As I said, this brings me a great joy in my heart. I hate it when I distance myself away from my friends. It's happened before and it has been pretty bad. And to see that I am now in a fresh page with Erika, it's great, it really is. This gives me a greater sense of optimism about things going on, or that have been going on lately.

Not only that, but yesterday and today, I have been reading these little notes I used to write during school, usually to let things out, whether it was good, bad, or simply just plain in the moment. And reading those notes, the majority of them being of last year, I noticed that there were really some weak bonds and just this big feeling of sadness and pessimism. Things weren't going to get better, and they just seemed utterly slow and hopeless.

But I have been proven wrong.

As time has passed, and without even noticing, I see how things have been of great improvement, even the things that are far from being what they used to be. And I believe that right now, things will keep getting better, and they won't stop improving. Yes, there will be struggles and problems like always, but I feel that this time there really won't be anything that will go as far as last year. That's what I hope for above all. That this year is nothing like last year.

Other than that, I have a good feeling about this week! In many aspects, but at the same time, pretty stressed because I have a lot to do in very little time. Crazy, really, only two weeks left!!! DX

Anyways, moving on, I hope for a few things tomorrow. Maybe a good day where I can get to work on homework, as well as plan my events for the week more clearly.

... I think I shall do a to-do list for tomorrow! Heh. It will help me a bit. :]

Well, I am off!

Peace and Love

Xoxo

Maria

Sunday Napping

2010-08-29T18:27:00.000-07:00

My parents are watching television as I find myself stuck to the computer, feeling in the moment to update this blog again. Typical.

It has been a pretty mellow Sunday. I woke up pretty early to go to church, two hours later I arrived back home and decided to take a nap. I feel that most of my Sundays are becoming my nap days. It feels pretty good, since for me Sundays are typically the most boring days in the weekend. Unless it consists of me going out with Erika or rarely other friends.

But unfortunately I couldn't hang out with Erika today either. She had to go to Santa Ana. :/

So now that I am awake, I am trying to figure out what is going to happen this week. I know I have certain things to do, or things I said I would do.

I'm supposed to hang out with Karen sometime this week, as well as meet up with her and Erika this week... both could just be combined anyways. Not to mention, a dinner.. or was it a lunch? Museum visiting with Diego, Israel, HOPEFULLY Sam, and others. Maybe a hangout with the guys?

Among other things, including AP U.S History and English homework. I only have two weeks left to do all of this, which is pretty stressful for me I guess. I am trying to take it one thing at a time. Hopefully I am able to do all of these things before my vacation ends. Blahh...

*note to self* Make a list.

Lists were something Karen and I were talking about last night. I think its a good idea to do them. Its a good way to organize things you want or things you need. Say... grocery lists? As I told Karen, if I actually do grocery lists, then my mom won't blame me for forgetting something if its actually on the list!

From now on, I am going to organize myself more, not to mention reduce my stress. :D

On a different note, right now I want to distract myself more, since I want today to be as I mentioned before, a relaxing Sunday, just a break from it all. So I think Imma write a bit, probably read back on a few things to get inspired.

Toodles!

Peace and Love

Xoxo

Maria

Calorie Counts

2010-08-28T15:32:00.000-07:00

So I am at my mom's job at the moment, and the I am in between two little girls. Well, not little. They are twelve and ten. I guess they are pretty hyper and one of them is checking up on my calories. But its just her imagination. She asked me what I ate, which was oatmeal, Japanese food, pineapple, and milk. She said I had 5,000 calories and I had to get skinny. I was fat. O.O

This is all just a part of their plan in making me become a cheerleader. Still.

They are failing.

As I told Samantha today, I wouldn't want to. it's an abomination in society.

They are definitely fitting the sterotype.

Pretty amusing. I hope they really don't become that way, it's going to be a shame, a real shame...

Anyways, today I went to my school pretty early because I wanted to volunteer at being a guide at the freshman orientation. I was originally put with Kathy and we were supposed to guide parents, but then Abril popped out of nowhere, and to my surprise I saw Samantha, and I made her tag along with us. It was pretty cool, we showed the parents around, took them to workshops I guess if you can call them that, and afterwards we all went to get our schedules. I have Sam for some classes, as well as Diego and Karen. So that made me less nervous about the school year because I at least have them there with me.

Not to mention, my eye got worse. I keep rubbing it a lot and it turned really bad. I hate it, and I am kind of freaking out about what it might be...

Overall though, I'm having a pretty good day. Even though that nostalgia still kicks in, and it stops me in my tracks, I am doing pretty good.

Besides, I'm getting distracted by some little girls, who want to desperately convert me to a cheerleader. It's fun to say no. :D

Peace and Love

Xoxo

Maria

Red Eyes, Nostalgia, And As Always, My Overwhelming Thoughts

2010-08-27T18:50:00.000-07:00

This morning I found myself waking up around 9 am, an hour before my typical wakening. As soon as I woke up, my eyes began bugging me and I constantly kept rubbing them. So I check in the mirror to see my left eye suddenly turn red. I got scared and put eye drops. My left eye has been bugging me since. I feel like there's something in there, but I checked and there's nothing. I'm worried man.

Other than that, this day has turned out more better than yesterday, but at the same time nothing more exciting.

I went to school for my A.P U.S History meeting and I was proud because I only got 5 wrong in the quiz Dr. Fey gave us about the U.S Political Map. However, I pulled a stupid when she gave us a trivial question about a famous politician from Tennessee. My head said "Al Gore" but my mouth said "BILL GATES!"

This was just like the time when I said "Sasquatch" instead of "Squanto."

Anyways, I guess the meeting made me feel calmer about school, since I was with Diego and other fellow classmates. I'm not so stressed about going back, after being in that classroom environment for almost two hours, but at the same time, every time I go in and out of the school, it's a kick of nostalgia.

How I love that word. Nostalgia...

Either way, doesn't really help me calm down about school. It just floods my mind with memories. Memories I want to relive.

Interesting enough, Diego and I also talked about our upcoming Junior year. I told him I was kind of fond of Sophomore year, but he told me he didn't like it, and he especially hated 9th grade. (For a second there I almost forgot the reason why he did). I ended up asking him "Would you rather relive 9th or 10th grade?"

His answer "7th grade." And he gives me a grin.

I found myself laughing, and telling him that didn't count.

However his answer was stuck in my mind. The middle school years, who wouldn't want to go back to those more innocent, careless days? When the future and decision makings weren't right around the corner and you didn't have to make a decision.

At the same time I was also thinking about the question I asked Diego. Would I rather go back to 9th grade or 10th?

I found myself choosing none. I didn't want to prefer one or the other.

Ninth grade was the basic foundation of the environment I was going to be in for the next four years, but I barely did a basic foundation for myself. My friends were going through some really hard times, some of the hardest for them personally, and definitely something I wouldn't want to observe again. Not to mention with a bittersweet tone, Sheep.

Meanwhile, 10th grade had a new beginning, with that wobbly, but basic foundation in place, suddenly falling to pieces after something I did myself. I found myself in the lowest point that my friends went through, except my conflict was directed towards them. Once it got "resolved" (not completely is the better phrase), I found myself having to start from scratch again. In a lot of aspects. Sophomore year was mediocre, with a few highlights. I found myself going through my days, realizing I had a lack of enthusiasm with what used to make me happy, and I got lazier. I found myself slacking off, rather staring at windows or balconies and letting my mind wander. Not to mention with a bittersweet tone as well, Little Green Man.

I see patterns in both years, and now that I have a new year ahead of me, I definitely want to do better. There were somethings about sophomore year that are still unresolved, or that need improvement, and I have been trying to work on them during the summer. Some have improved, almost to the point where I can say "Did it ever get so bad?" Some are more moderate, and I find myself running out of time. And others, well... I'm just losing my grip.

But as I said, 10th grade had a new beginning, and I believe that 11th grade will too, and it will hopefully be an improvement, even through the overwhelming thoughts that fill my mind. As the year goes along, I hope that my mind clears out, and I don't feel so stressed.

Tomorrow, is the Freshman Orientation. I have to pick up my schedule and hopefully Diego and I can go to show at least the freshmen or the adults the school. I'll probably see more familiar faces, and feel more kicks of nostalgia.

Let's just hope this weekend keeps going smoothly, and it finishes off with a bang. Then again, I feel it will. :]

Peace and Love

Xoxo

Maria

The Light in the End of the Tunnel

2010-08-26T18:17:00.000-07:00

Currently, I am listening to Landon Pigg. Somehow, his voice just seems to soothe me at the moment.

Yet his songs are about love, whatever aspect of it it might be. And that's the topic I am struggling with at the moment, and I don't really want to get involved or relate to anything with that topic.

But let's be honest, you can't really avoid it much.

Either way, its good that his music is soothing me.

Anyways, I haven't written anything in awhile. I've gotten more attached to Tumblr. Most of the people that used to follow me here have other things to do, or they just simply stopped blogging. At times I have considered deleting this blog, but I realized I can't. I've had my good times with this blog, spending long periods of time typing away about the most meaningless things... or sometimes the most meaningful, in which I poured out my emotions. Not only that, but I have writings here. As I always say, they might not be the best, but they are something I actually put my creativity in, and it's worth it for me.

So I guess this blog will be updated when I find myself wanting to update it. Maybe when I feel motivated, or as I have done in the past year, to let things out. And whoever reads it then great, I hope you enjoy it like always.

Back to the point of this post though, today... I was supposed to hang out with Erika and go out to dinner with a family friend. Both plans have been cancelled, due to personal situations. So bummer. I found myself going outdoors only to buy food, which I must say made me and my tummy happy.

Yet, I observed something as I was online that just hit me, and I find myself withdrawing in my own little shell. Currently I am trying to let it out while trying to think things out. I realized that my week has definitely been highlighted by decision making, and a lot of thinking. To points where I overthink.

Overthinking is just horrible.

So, by the end of this day, I hope that it all goes well, maybe I can come up with a decision that will help me for tomorrow, and I won't be so overwhelmed by my thoughts and what has occurred today.

On to a different note...

School starts in about two weeks or so. I'm not looking forward to school. I'm lazy, I'm tired, I just don't feel capable yet. I feel I've forgotten everything I have learned in my sophomore year just in the past two months. So how the hell am I supposed to know what I am going to do when I go back? Not only that, but goodness... its my junior year, and I still feel scared about the fact that I only have two years left, then college. Time is going too fast, it truly is. I'm not catching up with time, it's just leaving me behind. (That sounds like a pretty awesome line.) :P

But hey... its a new year. Hopefully good and new things happen that they wake me up and I actually feel inspired by school or something. So I'll just try to keep the positive attitude.

In conclusion, the message for today (and hopefully I put it to practice myself) is:

Be optimistic, even when you feel overwhelmed, tired, stressed, etc. Look for a light in the end of the tunnel.

Peace and Love

Xoxo

Maria

(P.S) My title and picture- no correlation whatsoever, yet, they do relate to what I am talking about. This always happens... Haha.

Stars on Top of the Light

2010-07-25T21:02:00.000-07:00

Hot, sticky night.
I find myself outdoors to feel the cool to no avail.
Not to mention the heat radiating from my phone.
But here I am, looking up at the night sky,
Trying to make sense of what I can see.
Through the bright skyscrapers, and light posts;
Through the beaming car and house lights.
As they all flood up to the night sky, I remain
Trying to make sense of what I can see.

On the other hand, there you are,
On a hotter, stickier night.
You find yourself outdoors to feel the cool to no avail.
And your phone must be radiating heat as well.
But there you are, looking out at the night sky
Trying to make sense of what you can see.
Through the fresh trees and bushes,
Through the reflection of the moon in the dark lake
They all reach up to the night sky and there you are,
Trying to make sense of what you can see.

I wouldn't mind being with you
Through the hot sticky night,
In the fresh trees and the bushes
And the reflection of the moon in the dark lake.
We'll both try to make sense of what's up there
Without the burden of the flooding lights covering the night sky.

Well, I finally said I was going to post something up, and I finally did. Wicked! :D
Uhh, so this writing is about... light pollution in the city. Hahaha. Well it mentions it.
Kinda got inspired to write about it because I was pretty envious about how people in nature are able to see the stars in the sky but I can't here in the city because all the lights cover up the stars. The light pollution gets in the way. Sooo, yeah! That's my writing. I still have to write more, I really need to... improve my creativity. Heh. Enjoy! :]

Sweet Cravings

2010-07-25T16:34:00.003-07:00

Gumdrops! Yummy!
I am reminded of one of the school meetings I participated in with my Avid teacher as well as other students. And they had food there, and my teacher, Mr. Rowe, handed me delicious organic gumdrops from Whole Foods. I have to say, Grapefruit was my favorite. Mmm...

Anyways, its a pretty boring Sunday for me. I don't have much to do. Erika and I were supposed to hang out today but she has other things to attend to. So hopefully tomorrow or sometime in the week for sure.

I also just remembered I was going to text someone today in the afternoon. Its almost gonna be 5 and I still have not done it... I guess I probably should. Or if not, maybe tomorrow?

I am quite indecisive. Hmph.

Today though, I got into a heated argument with my mom on the way to church. It was not one of the best moments I had and I was extremely mad at her and her lack of understanding. Then again, when do my parents ever understand me? They always want me to be some certain way and not let me be myself.

Funny, because yesterday my mom and the ex-husband of where she works at on Saturdays were talking about raising kids. The guy said "We need to let our children be their selves. We can't always pressure them." My mom says "Yes, I know."

You failed mother.

As for my dad, same old... same old.

Family man! They have their moments.

But on a brighter side, lately I have been great.

I have to be honest, when people usually ask me how I am I say "Pretty good." But I am doing great! In general I can't complain much, and I just feel the in most aspects I am at a very good point.

Not to mention, yesterday they removed my braces! After 10 months of having braces again on my lower teeth, they finally got removed! It made me really happy. Now I can smile and not feel weirded out about showing the metal on my teeth! Now as long as I wear my retainers, I am sure I won't have to have braces worn on my teeth EVER again. :D

Well, I think I am gonna write for a bit.
I'll post something up tonight. :]
Or just later. Whatever. Haha.

Peace and Love
Xoxo
Maria

(P.S) My title has an explanation. I've been eating a lot of sweets lately. Not candy, but just sweet stuff. Whether its actual food, or just... sweet things. O.o
Either way, right now, I'm craving Nutella, so I am off to spread it on some toast.

The Last Shadow Puppets

2010-07-25T15:36:00.000-07:00

My band of the week post. I haven't done one of these in AGES! The last one was in December. And that was Pete Yorn. So now, I am back to doing one of these posts.

This week, it is The Last Shadow Puppets. They are from England, and it combines the vocalist from The Rascal's, Miles Kane and the vocalist from The Arctic Monkeys, Alex Turner.

The Last Shadow Puppets are pretty much like a side project for both members of the band. Except fro Miles, I think he went solo now. But anyways! They released an album called "The Age of the Understatement" about two years ago. Its been the only album they released. But hopefully they keep releasing more because I already consider them one of my favorite groups.

Definitely one of a kind, just like their own bands. Their songs sound like if they were from the 60's, almost Beatle-ish actually. Even in one of their music videos... Alex Turner kind of looks like Paul McCartney. But they are definitely a great group and I STRONGLY suggest you hear them.

Favorite Songs by The Last Shadow Puppets

The Age of the Understatement
Standing Next To Me
My Mistakes Were Made For You
The Chamber
Wondrous Place
Calm Like You
Only the Truth
Meeting Place
In the Heat of the Morning
Paris Summer
Black Plant
I Don't Like You Anymore
Separate and Ever Deadly
In My Room
The Time Has Come Again

Thats basically all of the songs from their album and a couple of more.

Anyways, as I said, I strongly suggest whoever is reading this to hear them. Amazing, and one of a kind. :]

Hot Weather We're Having Kid

2010-07-20T20:18:00.000-07:00

My title really has nothing to do with this post. Kind of.

I do have to admit, last week was immensely hot. Horrible. High 80's/ low 90's.

This week seems to be off on a better note, with mid 70's. My favorite temperature.

... Yes people. I have a favorite temperature.

But anyways! I always say I am going to blog during the summer, but I don't seem to. I guess laziness. And the fact that I have been doing other things like going out with friends has taken up time.

As a matter of fact, yesterday I hung out with the guys. Ale, Andrew, Bryant and Eric. We were supposed to finish this 1000 piece puzzle, but we never seemed to finish it. I was the last one working on it and I couldn't figure out the sky on my own. So I gave up on it.

I also realized my picture doesn't really have anything to do with my post either. But I wanted to find a picture, and I found one in my folders of a daisy. I really like daisies to be honest. I have this childish habit, where you pluck off the petals and say "He loves me, he loves me not...."

It usually ends with "He loves me." -laughs-

Anyways! How is everyone? I hope you are all doing well! (Whoever is reading this)

I myself am doing pretty fine. I just tucked in some nice lunch, and I dealt with Andrew and a blocked number calling me. But I really have no idea who the blocked number is. O.o

Let's see, what else...

Well, I missed an AP U.S History meeting. This is a sign for me that I have to do a lot to catch up, like Chapters 3, 4, and everything else. I am freaking out so much. I am not kidding. I feel stressed! In the summer time! Gahh! Fuck you AP classes! Hmph!

Oooh! I must also say that I finally wrote something, and I have not done that in the longest. I am quite happy to work my mind into something creative for once. I will post it up later on or something. But for now, I am off to do other things.

Like wait for my iPhone software to upgrade, again.

Or to catch up on AP class news and stuff.

And to check up on my turtle eating. She is too adorable. Heh. :]

Peace and Love
Xoxo
Maria

Parents

2010-07-03T18:40:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, was a pretty intense night for me. Not much happened, but what did happen, I am still quite in awe about it.

For one, my mom found out about Brandon. She saw a paper I had written awhile back, just a paper about how I felt currently about the whole situation with him and other things. And she began to ask me about it, and I was able to open up to her (not like I had another option anyways) about everything. And well, I guess you can say she understood.

I'm quite surprised though. We didn't argue. We just talked about it. And I made her understand that really, this hasn't been a distraction for me, in which it has affected my studies. I also told her that she shouldn't be so worried. I try to learn from the people I meet, as well as the experiences I go through. So in general, she just told me to be careful, and to focus on my studies.

Second, I had a talk with Karen which had left me really uneasy last night and this morning. Its not something I really wanted to expect. But today, we were able to talk things out, and for me its like one step forward. For me, I feel like instead of being all bummed and not wanting to do anything, I saw this as I had told her, an opportunity to improve. Really, that's what it is. Sometimes things shouldn't be seen so negatively, but for the best or the reality of it all.

Other than that though, Friday night went by like a breeze.

As for today. Saturday. Heh, haven't achieved much. I wasn't able to work today with my mom, so no money for the week. Fudge.

Argentina lost in the World Cup, which made me sad, but oh well. They'll be back for 2014, although I DEFINITELY think Brazil will win that one. :D

I have also been editing photos, but I stopped for awhile. I think I'll get back on track later on. Heh.

But anyways, I am done with this post. I guess I just wanted to write something down, as an update, and well I am done. Heh, have a nice evening.

Peace and Love
Xoxo
Maria

Friday

2010-06-29T18:30:00.000-07:00

It's a Friday again,
And I can't help but wonder
What are your plans?

Maybe you'll go out on the town with your friends
Drink away those sorrows...

Maybe you'll be creative and bring music to someone's ears
But not mine...

Maybe, just maybe, you'll stay home this time
And you'll talk to me

In the meantime...

It's a Friday again.
And I can't help but realize
That I'll spend another day without you.

Yes, I know that it is not a Friday in the first place. Its a Tuesday.
But I wrote this a long time ago, and I definitely couldn't wait any longer.
I had written this on May 17, 2010.
In regards to someone.

Funny because when I showed this to Karen, she said that it reminded her of my dad. But no, this is not my dad. In reality, its someone else. And I would rather not mention it, because I don't typically like mentioning who or what I write about. Unless I do. :P

If you like it, great. And if you don't like it, great.

The point is... enjoy it. :]

An Update

2010-06-29T17:59:00.000-07:00

You know, this picture really doesn't have to do much with my blog post... not really. Except with the fact that it was a balcony. And balconies is something I looked at a lot during my last weeks of school this month.

Yes people, school ended. July is about to begin. And, I am officially a Junior. Crazy. It feels like a jump you know? At one point I am a sophomore, and I am still in the point where I can still be indecisive. I can still procrastinate.

But then, BOOM! I am a junior. The year where I can't sit on my lazy ass and do nothing. The year where I have to make choices, because I start looking for colleges. Where I start thinking "What do I want to do with my life?"

Yeah... as you can tell I am a bit worried a bit about Junior year. Not to mention, I am taking TWO AP classes, but I am not really worried about that... its just going to be a bunch more work... which means one more thing.

STOP PROCRASTINATING.

Now, back to the balcony. Why did I choose this again?

Oh yes! I said I would constantly stare at the balcony the last few weeks of my school year.
Why would I do this?
Hmm...

Well, to be honest, I was looking forward to see someone who caught my attention as they passed around the balcony. But, I never did.

Through this month... I just remember work. Working on schoolwork, then finals. Also I think CSTs?
Yeah... I don't really recall.

But looking back at my blog, I noticed I mentioned Brandon... and how I had the fear to send say a simple hello through text. Well, I managed to do it, and we were able to talk... and then we talked again a during the weekend... and after that... it stopped again. Last week he had sent me a text message, and I replied back to him. And then he replied back to me, but after my second reply I got no reply back from him. I sent him one on Friday as well, but I didn't get a reply either.

And I don't really want to jump to conclusions with that. Nor do I want to expect things out of this.

I guess in the meantime, yes. I am going with the flow of things, because theres not really a choice to make. Thats how I see it. But I have made a choice, if by a certain date, nothing ever really... is determined, then yeah.

Fuck it. XD

But my month hasn't all really been... ambiguous... or obscure when it comes to certain things.

Some things have been pretty positive.

Like in school. I think I have grown... in the sense where I'm connecting more to my community or something. Or I'm just getting more involved.

Like for our Tuesday class, Samantha, Karen and I made this video about food. Well fast food, and how we had to find a place that advocated on healthy eating. And we found a place, we interviewed one of the workers and we made a pretty awesome video. Next thing you know, its presented in Bresee and we win a Flip camera! And also, it gets shown in this film festival in Downtown L.A. Karen and I won a check for 25 bucks.

... Which reminds me, I have not checked that thing in... and I need money!

Also, I have gone out a lot.. to eat. And that has led me to gain seven pounds. I weigh 112. Which isn't bad, but you know.. seven pounds... it really means I gotta start getting back in shape.

And now vacation! Finally, school is done with, and I just get to sleep in late and do absolutely nothing. I have more free time to do other things. Like play the Sims! Or write. Or watch tee vee!

Its limitless possibilities.

So I guess I am going to be blogging more. I think its about time I did. Seems like I've been off this thing for a long time.

Until my next post,

Peace and Love
Xoxo
Maria

I Am Going to Rant

2010-06-07T16:00:00.000-07:00

About a couple of things today.

One the main things that has been on my mind awhile has been commercials...

Not just ANY commercials. Its the California Governor commercials.

Now I'll be honest with you, I am not some expert in politics or anything, but just by looking at the ads, its not so hard to figure stuff out.

For one, most of the ads for governor are by two people. Meg Whitman, and Steve Poizner. And I will be honest, at first I was all for Meg Whitman. She seemed like this great candidate, successful CEO of Ebay and she seemed poised. Steve Poizner on the other hand, just pissed me off completely. Everything about him and his ideas for governor pissed me off.

But THEN, I see that Meg Whitman releases a new ad and she says she does not plan to give amnesty to illegal immigrants. So that definitely pissed me off about her. Whats more interesting is that Steve Poizner released an ad as well saying that Meg Whitman did support amnesty!

WTF you damn idiot!? Didin't he see her ad!? He's clearly lying!!

And they are BOTH Republicans, to top it all off. And over this small period of time, just by watching these ads on tee vee, these ANNOYING STUPID ADVERTISEMENTS, I have grown to learn that Republicans piss the shit out of me with their stupid, conservative and ignorant beliefs. ESPECIALLY those two idiots.

.... So people.. if you are eighteen or older and you are reading this... don't fall for the damn advertisements. They are both the same, mainly believing in the same crap. Its not gonna make any difference to the State. They are just gonna make it worse.

Also... the iPhone 4 came out. That my friends, is a beautiful piece of technology. The design, the battery life, the FaceTime, everything!

But.. I must rant about this too.

I don't see the iPhone 4 as a bad thing. But it is frustating for me, and I am sure many recent iPhone buyers who just bought the iPhone 3Gs (or 3G) recently. Mine was three months ago, as a birthday present. Because NOW the iPhone 4 is going to be on sale in the next two weeks.

But it doesn't end badly. I mean, sure I can upgrade to the iPhone 4. If I earn the money myself, and I somehow convince my mom to let me get it. But I know for sure that will take awhile.

.... Dammit, why couldn't Steve Jobs wait to release the phone next year...

Well, enough about this short post. I am done letting out my little anger for the day. I am back to normal.

Have a nice day. :]

Peace and Love

Xoxo

Maria

Carpe Diem

2010-05-29T19:53:00.000-07:00

"Maria, if you ever struggle to tell someone about your feelings, just remember 'Carpe diem.' Give the most to he present time and little to the future. You'll be damned if you do, damned if you don't."

Someone on Formspring sent me this interesting comment... and it left me pretty speechless. It also pretty much relates to what I posted yesterday... and how I have been feeling lately as well.

I feel like I don't have the ability to step up and tell that someone how I feel. As a matter of fact I feel incapable of saying hello. I get scared. I begin to think:

"What if they don't want to talk to me?"

"They might not be interested in me anymore."

"What if the conversation never develops?"

And many other things...

As you can see, I complicate things for myself. And today I decided to look back. I opened my journal and I began to read the first entry. It all seemed to be going well. Very well as a matter of fact.

And I decided to list pros and cons. I have many pros as a matter of fact... and actually reading some of my entries moves me... and it feels like I go back in time and I feel what I felt back then.

You could say that so far the courage is building up. And I should probably say hello while I still have this small bit present.

This fear I have, it limits me. But I am going to do my best to get over it. I have to. I just have to because I am wasting time.

Pheww.....

I'm done.

Peace and Love
Xoxo
Maria

The Boy In The Hallway

2010-05-28T21:17:00.000-07:00

"Hey baby meet me half way I want to feel your lips against mine. Crashing like waves on the beach. You're beautiful, hope ya know that. I wish I could wake up everyday looking straight into your amazing eyes."

-me

The question is... who is this me?

See, I got this comment on formspring. And ever since I received it, I've been quite intrigued. Who feels that way? I wish I could know. For a second there, I thought it was Brandon... but its not... because the anonymous person then said this later on:

".. Whoever asked who the heck likes you. Why do you care. .. I can't explain it. I see you at school everyday in the hallway.. I just stare.. I'll say hi to you one day.. For now, goodbye Maria."

And then I knew. Still.. there are so many people in the hallways... how should I know who it is? I'm probably just too curious. I just want to know. Out of sheer curiosity, not because I'm actually interested in something more. As you can tell, the fact that I thought at first it was Brandon, kind of gave it away on who I'm interested in.

Sadly, speaking about that... I have two weeks of school left and I can't muster up the measly courage to say a simple hello to him through a text message.

Its Sheep all over again. And as much as I am trying not to let it become that way, it is. I'm complicating things again, and its the only thing thats freaking me out at the moment. Because... I still have this feeling inside me... that maybe I'm not too late. But I'm definitely running out of time.

I need time.

Peace and Love

Xoxo

Maria

Back Home

2010-05-22T20:29:00.000-07:00

She has finally come home! My sweet mother. Heh.
I am happy to see her back home, and I gave her a big hug as soon as I saw her.

Afterwards my dad and I took her out to eat something traditionally Salvadorian: Pupusas! Yum yum.

Other than that she talked to us about her trip, how it went. She brought me a picture of my baby cousin and he looks absolutely adorable. He got bigger and chubbier. My gorgeous little baby. Heh.

So I'm stuck with a cough. I hate it. I have been drinking a lot of water and I already took medicine to help get rid of the cough. I think my dad passed me the cold. He spent an entire week with the cold and I thought I wouldn't get it, but I was quite wrong.

And I feel better than I did today in the morning I only slept for three hours (I ended knocking out at 4:40 today) and I woke up at 7:30. Afterwards I would sleep on and off. But I got up at around 8:30. Felt like crap! Thats the thing I hate about all nighters. If I knock out, my body doesn't cooperate with me. Neither do my eyes. Someday though. Heh.

Well now I am taking a cough drop. Its helping. I have stopped coughing and its soothing. Thank you mom! Heh.

Well I am done with this short post. Unfortunately I have to go work on my Powerpoint presentation for English and maybe I'll do a bit of my own individual work later on. I actually feel less stressful and I feel more confident to finish the rest of my work. I am off!

Peace and Love
Xoxo
Maria

Baby, I'm Yours

2010-05-21T21:40:00.000-07:00

Baby I'm yours
And I'll be yours until the stars fall from the sky
Yours, until the rivers all run dry
In other words, until I die

Baby I'm yours
And I'll be yours until the sun no longer shines
Yours, until the poets run out of rhymes
In other words, until the end of time

I'm gonna stay right here by your side
Do my best to keep you satisfied
Nothing in the world could drive me away
Everyday you'll hear me say

Baby I'm yours
And I'll be yours until two and two is three
Yours, until the mountain crumbles to the sea
In other words, until eternity

Baby I'm yours
Till the stars fall from the sky
Baby I'm yours
Till the rivers all run dry
Baby I'm yours
Until the sun no longer shines
Baby I'm yours
Until poets run out of rhymes
Baby I'm yours

The Arctic Monkeys does a cover of this song. I just forgot who the original singer is. Its a female, I know that for sure. But goodness, the simplicity of this song and the beauty of it is amazing. I love replaying it over and over. Perhaps its the way Alex Turner beautifully sings the song. Maybe its the soft gentle tune it has the entire time. Or once more, the lyrics. Such a nice song. For me, it means basically giving yourself to someone, no matter what happens, no matter how time passes, whatever they do. Distance, or anything that gets in the way, you are still willing to give yourself to them. Well, hopefully if this catches your attention, you might go and hear it. :]

Friday, I'm In Love.

2010-05-21T21:16:00.000-07:00

Yes! Its a Friday! Heh. Samantha was actually quite glad it was a Firday today.

Then again who wouldn't be? After having a busy week with testing and projects... its a relief to know that the weekend has finally arrived! No school. You can sleep in late and sit around and do absolutely nothing.

For me, this weekend is most definitely going to be a lovely one. My mom is coming back tomorrow! So my dad and I are going to go pick her up at the airport! And afterward we are going to take her out to eat. It will be a pleasure to have my sweet mother back.

Overall though, while she wasn't here, I have learned how to survive on my own. Not to be a meanie, but my dad isn't much of a cook. And he and I don't really do much home stuff together unlike my mom and I. So he and I do our own meals, for ourselves. And I was able to expand my cooking abilities while she wasn't here. I had to do more than the usual chores. That meant laundry, dusting, dishes, pet cleaning, mopping, sweeping, vacuum, making the beds, and to top it all off, I also have homework, and projects. Unfortunately it has been quite stressful as well. But its something I am going to have to do later on in the future when I live on my own.

Yeahh, life lesson right there people!!

A random topic. I don't know if I have discussed this in my blog before, thoroughly that is.

But of course, if you do read my blog, I am sure I have mentioned at least ONCE that I HATE snoring. I hate the noise. It is my ULTIMATE pet peeve. I am willing to do anything not to hear the noise.

For example at times when my dad snores while resting in the couch (Just like he is right now), I tend to make loud noises to interrupt the snores. Or I have earplugs on. Sometimes the music is all the way up. Anything to avoid hearing the noise.

I have had moments... in my head that is, when I just imagine doing one of the following:

I have a speaker, or those things people have.. uhh... whats it called.... a megaphone I think? And I just blow it right next to the person who's snoring and scream "STOP FREAKING SNORING!"

A even more odd idea is practically stuffing their mouth with a sock in order to muffle the noise. Hopefully they don't feel it when I stuff it in their mouths.

Someday though... SOMEDAY SOON, I hope they invent something. A pill, an device, just ANYTHING to stop the snores. They have to! Its one of the most annoying noises ever! And it must be eradicated.

Felt quite good to discuss that. Whewwww....

Also! Planning to pull an all nigher today.

I must prepare my delicious coffee with the chocolate raspberry creamer... I swear thats the only reason why I drink coffee. Its the creamer, not the caffeine.

If I were to want caffeine, I would go to Coke. But that has been LIMITED from me.

Damn you Karen. Heh, kidding. :D

Anyways, done with this blog.

... Its time to find really loud songs, and set the volume all the way up because well unfortunately... my dad's snoring just got worse. -_-

Peace and Love
Xoxo
Maria

One Year Old Blog!

2010-05-21T20:55:00.000-07:00

Yeeeeeeahhhhhhh! This is absolutely awesome. Heh.

-Little party in my imagination-

Haha, kidding. :D

And looking back at my blog, I've grown quite a lot since then. Or changed, however you want to see it really.

-This time, I am a sophomore. Not a freshman.

-Sixteen years old!

-My hair is much shorter...

-I am still a picky person, and I've grown quite picky about many things in general, like clothes, food, music... A LOT.

-I'm still a person who takes risks when I don't overthink it. But most of the time, I do anyways.

-I AM smart, and I try to influence my friends to be a geek like me and do all their work.. I fail at times... :[

-But I am NOT smart about the outside world. Kind of. I am still naive, but not as naive as before. I've grown more experienced with the world. Its a progress.

-I procrastinate.

-I am still sensitive. A bit too much at times. Its a thing I deal with. Also, my temper is still the same, although I try to not lash out.

-I am not as loud as before. Only to a very few people. I think thats a withdrawal I have made, unfortunately.

-Loving? Hmm.... only to the people close to me. I have grown to be a person who tends to be judgmental, but sooner or later the judgment goes away.

-I've gotten more addicted to food than before. Heh.

Ahh and well I think thats it. Based on my first post ever, thats the changes that have occurred.
Its quite interesting... yes? Hah. Yes.

Well, enough with this post.
I am off to do a new one. Heh.

Peace and Love
Xoxo
Maria

"Faith In Your Penis!"

2010-05-20T21:26:00.000-07:00

That's the joke I pulled today during lunchtime. And its quite rare for me to make a funny joke. That makes Diego give me props for it. Yes yes. Heh. I'm quite proud of that phrase.

Other than that, today has been quite a busy day. Oddly tiring, and painful. I have an unexpected sore feeling in my legs, even though I didn't walk a lot. And cramps. And I had a headache, but Advil makes everything better.

Ahh, my phone takes forever to sync. -_-

Back to the topic though. I had to stay until five today to complete my lab hours and to work on my project. I'm quite worried about that. I have to do thirty dialectical journals, and an essay about the universal theme of the book I am reading. Also my Career Research Essay for Avid. Not so fun. Also, not to mention cleaning at my house. My mom's coming in two days, and my dad and I need to tidy up around here. I already cleaned the furniture in the living room. I just have to do the bedroom and vacuum. Blahh. I hate doing chores. -_-
Actually just work in general.

Sadly, I am a lazy person.

I also received my CAHSEE results today. I pretty much got Advanced in both Math and English. I beat Israel in the overall score by seven points! Hah! I'm better than Israel in that aspect. However, I am quite impressed with Vanessa. She got perfect in BOTH subjects! :O
I have to give her congrats on that. She's a really smart girl. And nice too!

Now, tomorrow I have to deal with Life Science in CST testing. I am prepared. I kinda cheated and took a peek ahead. Pretty easy! All I have to do now is review for World History and Biology.

Tomorrow... makes one year having this blog. Still can't believe it.

Peace and Love
Xoxo
Maria

Break Even

2010-05-20T21:10:00.000-07:00

I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing
Just praying to a God that I don't believe in
Cause I got time while she got freedom
Cause when a heart breaks no it don't break even

Her best days are some of my worst
She finally met a man who's gonna put her first.
While I'm wide awake she's no trouble sleeping
Cause when a heart breaks no it don't break even

What am I suppose to do when the best part of me was always you?
And what am I suppose to say when I'm all choked up that you're okay?
I'm falling to pieces
I'm falling to pieces

They say bad things happen for a reason
But no wise words gonna stop the bleeding
Cause she's moved on while I'm still grieving
And when a heart breaks no it don't break even

What am I suppose to do when the best part of me was always you?
And what am I suppose to say when I'm all choked up that you're okay
I'm falling to pieces
I'm falling to pieces

You got his heart and my heart and none of the pain
You took your suitcase, I took the blame
Now I'm trying to make sense of what little remains
Cause you left me with no love and no love to my name

I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing
Just praying to a god that I don't believe in
Cause I got time while she got freedom
Cause when a heart breaks, no it don't break
No it don't break, no it don't break even no

What am I gonna do when the best part of me was always you?
And what am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up that you're okay?
I'm falling to pieces
I'm falling to pieces.

My goodness. I love this song. Its by The Script. It comes out pretty frequently on the radio too. But just the lyrics themselves, they are simply amazing. Simple, but deep. Well that's my opinion.
Basically to me, it means that when people go through a break up or something, both sides don't share the same pain. Its different. One side feels more than the other. One side feels more guilt. One side moves on like if nothing ever happened while the other one is still stuck in the past.
Such a beautiful song.

Math, I Hate You.

2010-05-19T17:44:00.000-07:00

Reading the last line on Vernon's blog mad me laugh. Hah.

"Maybe I'll write something later to suffice your massive craving of my bullshit. Oh well!"

Quite humorous.

But back to something he mentioned and I mentioned: testing.

Today was Math. In my case Algebra 2. And I will be honest I felt horrible doing this test. I looked through the textbook last night, going chapter by chapter and trying to stick things I didn't remember in my head.

And today when I began looking at my test, I began to stress out. It took me a long time to complete it as a matter of fact. Overall I guessed about 13 out of the 71. If I were to get those 13 wrong, thats about 20% wrong. Thats like a B. And thats a Proficient.

.... I suck.

HOWEVER! I do have to feel proud in some sense, because I did remember some things I never imagined to remember, like long division. I am a pro at that! Also factoring, and I managed to solve things with the quadratic formula pretty well. So, its not all bad. But overall, I just hate math more than ever.

Thats not gonna make Mr. Herrmann happy. Heh.

Anyways enough about math and school!

Reunion coming up next week! Thats for sure! We are a bit more clearer on location, the important thing is food though. And games. This time the idea is not to waste money. (As if I have any money to waste in the first place.) But more coming up on that later on.

Oh! I just remembered something! On Friday, its going to be the one year having this blog. Pretty crazy. And it falls on a pretty interesting day too... the 21st. Yeppp.

Well... I have to get to work.. sadly. :[

Peace and Love
Xoxo
Maria

Testing Week

2010-05-18T16:12:00.001-07:00

So as a student in the state of California.. I am doing the California Standardized Test. And I have to take Biology, Life Science, English, Math and World History. I finished English yesterday. Not bad! Tomorrow is Math. I am tripping out about that for sure. So that means I gotta study study study!

So something new I have decided to pick up. I began drinking coffee. And its not because I like the caffeine. Its this coffee creamer. I tend to put a lot of it, which decreases the flavor of the caffeine. Its quite delicious too as a matter of fact. Well, in my opinion. My creamer, its this chocolate raspberry one. Its very sweet and fragrant. So I am quite glad I got it yesterday while grocery shopping with my dad.

Hmm. I just noticed my mom hasn't called. She said she was. She must probably be busy. Who knows.

But speaking about my mom, my dad and I as mentioned, went grocery shopping. We got quite a few necessities and ever since Sunday I have been wanting to get a bit creative with food. I made my own lunch on Sunday, which was practically a breakfast I guess. I just put a cooked egg (not the scrambled but the other style) in between two pieces of bread and I toasted and buttered them. And I cooked tater tots! So I ate that with some soda and it came out pretty alright. Yesterday I wanted to melt chocolate and drizzle it over a banana and a few scoops of ice cream to make a sundae... somewhat. Heh. But I didn't have the time.

I think that cooking is an interesting way to display creativity. I think my passion for food has woken up from its slumber and I want to open my big cookbook and make meals! But, as I said, I've been quite creative. I have even begun to write again, and I began writing this short story that kind of popped up after hearing "Killian's Red" by Nada Surf. So I am not sure. I doubt I'm going to post it up, but anything else I come up with, I'll post it up here as soon as I can.

...Huh, I just came up with an idea... something involving stories and music. Like if I hear a song and an image or a little story pops to mind, I'm going to make something out of it. Hmm, very interesting indeed.

I don't know if I mentioned this in my blog but I began an internship.. oh yeah I did. Haha.
Well I went on Friday! And it was pretty fun. My boss had received five boxes full of CD's the Grammy's had received from artists who released music during '08 and '09. I got Alesana, The Airborne Toxic Event and We the Kings. So more music for my iPod! Yay! :D

You know, my horoscope said something funny for the end of the month. It said that by the end of the month I should plan some kind of group activity. And interesting enough I am planning a reunion for Memorial Day, basically the last day of the month. Coincidence much? Hmm... anyways, Samantha and Karen have been very helpful to help me with the location of the next reunion, so very much appreciated girls. :]

Well I guess thats about it for now. I'm off to do Math homework. D:
Wish me luck people. Heh.

Peace and Love
Xoxo
Maria

Yummy Gum Drops

2010-05-11T20:48:00.000-07:00

Quite delicious little candies. I ate some at the Avid meeting today, from Whole Foods! I got a grapefruit flavored one. So far, I enjoy them very much.

Anyways! This Tuesday was quite an occupied Tuesday. Diego came back to school, after suffering from a horrible ear infection, and Sam didn't come today!

.... And my dad is snoring. My ultimate pet peeve. -_-

Back to the point though! So you know, school was school. Classwork, etc. In 5th I got called out of my class in order to talk with this lady about an internship I'm doing. Its for this place called LA Commons. I'm going to be the Communications Intern. So its pretty interesting, since I'm going to have to be recording, blogging, taking pictures and interviews. Its going to involve me going out a lot and talking to random people. I guess that will help me come out of my shell a bit.

And then after 7th period, (Which I basically spent playing Tic-Tac- Toe, Checkers and Dots with Karen since the teacher was just talking about the different jobs involved in film), I went to buy some pizza, then went back inside the school and went to visit the Theatre class for awhile, since I had to wait about an hour for the Avid meeting.

Pretty funny, since the boys wanted to hoard my pizza slice. I also learned what Bukkake is. (Pretty sick thing by the way.) But other than that I spent it with Diego, Ray and William and they were listening to music. Diego did his funny little dance moves, like usual. Sometimes he would talk about sex with me. I think we've all grown a bit more... sexual? Sensual? I have no idea. And the Servando comes out of nowhere and he sits behind me and he starts to bite me! Bites hurt man. D:

By the time I had to go I hugged Diego goodbye (who miraculously offered me a hug!) But then we got distracted a bit because we were talking about how Israel hugs people. Its pretty funny. So then Diego did it on me, where he hugs me and he holds me tight and then he sniffs my hair! Like what Israel would do! I began laughing my ass off. Then I hugged Ray goodbye and then to the Avid meeting!

Which I must say, was much fun. They had a bunch of snacks, and I socialized with the teachers. Pretty awesome. I also saw that a lot of teachers have iPhones! Mr. Rowe, Ms. Drinkward, and Ms. Safaie. Also the Tuesday class lady has one! So thats awesome.

iPhones RULE! :D Haha, kidding.

Once I got home I got online and my mommy calls me! She seems to be doing okay. I talked to my baby cousin. He says

"Cuando vas a venir?"

"Pronto guapo, pronto."

"Te quiero mucho!"

"Yo tambien mi amor."

He's adorable.

Well I'm done with this blog post. What awaits tomorrow? Imma hang out with my lovely wife! Erikaaaa! Heh. I hope school is good just as it has been today.

Well I'll stop typing. I just all of a sudden began to shake, which usually means something. Hah. So byeeee!

Peace and Love
Xoxo
Maria

Achievement!

2010-05-10T20:53:00.000-07:00

I deleted the creep from Myspace. He was really getting on my nerves.

Always asking questions. Flirting with me when I told him to fucking stop!

He pulled the final straw when he asked a stupid question. He said.

"Is it weird if I can be your friend?"

FUCK YES IT IS!

So I deleted him, I blocked him, Boom!

I think this is the second time I do this. I rarely block people, but crap when they ask about my whereabouts and they act like dumbass desperate flirts, thats the final straw.

Cruel, I know, but I had to.

Peace and Love
Xoxo
Maria

Blue Lips

2010-05-10T18:23:00.000-07:00

I tried rapping to that song I posted by the Arctic Monkeys... I FAILED.

Also not to mention, this is the first time in quite some time I have posted an image. Heh, and when I do, if you notice, my lips are an odd shade... which relates to my title. XP

Not to mention, I think this picture I took is pretty odd...

That was off topic, so back to topic!

Today at lunchtime, Samantha and Albina had some Ring Pops from quite some time and Albina gives Karen the red one and takes the blue one for herself. So then when she was eating it her mouth turned blue and so did her lips. So I took the Ring Pop, and it was good. I was quite surprised that in Spanish my Ms. Corral said nothing as I ate the Ring Pop. And people in class were laughing because they saw my lips were blue! D:

In Algebra it was funnier though. People thought I was wearing lipstick. And even Mr. Herrmann got into teasing me just because I had blue lips! -_-

Ahh, as a matter of fact I remembered how he teased me. I asked him for help on the warm-up. It went kinda like this.

Me: Mister, is the answer for number two A or B?

Mr. Herrmann: Well what did you get?

Me: Well I got "X." So is it B?

Mr. Herrmann: Yeah, thats it.

Me: Why?

Mr. Herrmann: Its not "Y," its "X"

Me: Why??

Mr. Herrmann: Its not "Y" its "X"

Me: What?? OH! Why is it "X?"

Mr. Herrmann: Wow I can't believe it took you that long to figure it out.

Barusch: I thought you were smart Maria!

Me: -Laughing- How was I supposed to know?!

Well, that was a bit of dialogue there. Hmm.

So far today has been good. I mean lunchtime was fun. I called it a sweet lunch because all we ate was sugary stuff like cookies, squishy grapes, Ring Pops, and PB&J's.

And when I got home, I got creative with my blue lips and tried to take pictures. I then removed the blue and just took other images. So, I'll put them on sooner or later. You never know. Heh.

I also talked to my mommyyyyyy! She seems to be doing good. Just a bit tired, and she asked me if I had been eating. I said yes. Heh. She worries about me. I love her very much. :D

I wonder about tomorrow. What will happen? I have 7th period tomorrow with the lovely gals, Karen and Samantha! Hopefully we do something new or more relaxing. Once more, I am proud we were able to submit our film. Yeppp!

Ahh, so that boy that added me on Myspace won't stop asking me questions, and he won't stop sending me messages. He's the definite example of a creepy, desperate freaking manwhore. Quite cold, and for sure, I am going to delete him.

Well I am off. I think I need to do homework. Toodles!

Peace and Love

Xoxo

Maria

Happy Mother's Day

2010-05-09T21:19:00.000-07:00

To all those wonderful mothers out there. Children, make the best out of your mothers. :]

Speaking about mothers, I miss mine. Unfortunately she is not here in Los Angeles. She left to El Salvador last night, and that left me really sad. I cried for a good amount of time after she left. Mainly because I was frustrated by the way things were going at that exact moment, and also because I couldn't stay with my mom as much as I could before she left. -Sighs- :/

But today I called her and I talked to her for awhile. I wished her a Happy Mother's Day and she said thank you and she loves me very much. That definitely made my day. I love my mommy. Heh. :]

Other than that, my weekend has been okay. I was with my mom yesterday and we went shopping! I got an eyeliner, a mascara and some foundation at Sephora. Pretty! I wanted more, but my mom didn't want to waste much money. I also introduced my mommy to Chipotle! She began laughing at the cute little fat burritos. She thinks they are quite delicious too. And yes... they are.

Today I hung out with Karen! Yesterday she and Erika hung out without me. D: Didn't even invite me, that kid! Haha. But anyways, today she and I tagged along with her dad to his little performances at convalescent homes.

A note: Convalescent homes, to be brutally honest, are not so pleasing. They have this horrible smell. Not only that, but I'm a person who fears getting old and dying. And just being there made me freak out. But overall it was fun. Karen and I did interviews to each other. So we are getting some footage down. Karen and I are quite excited to start taking videos in school again. Lets see where it goes.

This weekend, I also received a friend request from some boy that goes to Roybal. I had no clue who he was, so I checked his profile. I immediately found out he was a stupid man whore and he is desperate for girls. But either way I added him. And he's annoying the crap out of me. I'm bound to delete him in two days. -_-

Well let me see... what else?

I'm looking forward to school tomorrow. I actually don't want to be home. And I wonder how school will be this week. Will anything interesting happen? Will I be able to stay awake in Algebra 2? Will I stop procrastinating? Hmm.

Only time will tell.

Peace and Love
Xoxo
Maria

Temptation Greets You Like A Naughty Friend

2010-05-09T21:08:00.000-07:00

I don't ever want to hate you,
So don't show me your bed,
The only roads are cul-de-sacs,
The first thing that she said.

Temptation, greets you like your naughty mate,
The one that used to get you in bother,
But one you could never bring yourself to hate.

And she said we've got that spark,
That only lights a fuse,
Helps you see in the dark,
But it's a sight you'll lose when,
The temptation greets you like your naughty friend.

I don't ever want to hate you,
So don't show me your bed,
The only roads are cul-de-sacs,
The only ends are dead.

Temptation greets you like your naughty mate,
One that made you steal and set things on fire,
But one you haven't seen of late.

And I said that kind of talk,
Only adds intrigue,
To the cauldron of thought,
It's already exceeding,
Temptation, the very thing that held her back.

I don't ever want to hate you,
So don't show me your bed,
The only roads are cul-de-sacs,
The only ends are dead.

I don't ever want to hate you,
It's not part of the plan,
So keep your charm where I can't see it,

And your hands where I can.

[Dizzee Rascal]

We used to be in tight me and my naughty friends,
Caused pure madness in the air,
I mean day 'n' night,
We robbed, we stole, we loved to fight,
Smoking, drinking, joyriding,
Drugs, thugs, not law-abiding,
Reckless gangsters ? No direction,
No sign of correction,
But then I switched it off,
Changed my ways,
What the hell!
Like oh my days,
But like my naughty friends,
They're not phased,
Can't believe that this music pays,
See no reason why we can't do,
All the things we've always done,
Still in my heart I know thats just what,
But its hard to fight the temptation son.

[Arctic Monkeys]

The panic will fall down around you,
If you don't do what I say.

I don't ever want to hate you,
So don't show me your bed,
The only roads are cul-de-sacs,
The only ends are dead.

I don't ever want to hate you,
It's not part of the plan,
So keep your charm where I can't see it,
And your hands where I can

So lately I've been listening to the Arctic Monkeys nonstop. And I heard this song barely last week. My goodness I loved it. There was this short part with this British rapper, Dizzee Rascal, and goodness I love it. It all fits. Now, I just love this song. And I had to post it up. I guess it relates in some sense. You try to change your ways and some things come out of nowhere and try to make you go back to your old ways. Or make you come back from something you decided to let go. Hmm. Great song. Anyways, enjoy.

Today

2010-05-04T19:33:00.000-07:00

Was a good day!

I definitely think I achieved much today, and I was in such a good mood. According to Karen I was pretty hyper. I agree. What's there not to be happy about?

Especially because today, my group in 7th period actually completed our project! Really, it took time and a lot of dedication, and this was something I am just proud about because I didn't procrastinate at all! I am proud of all my group members. We must go out to celebrate. Say.. the Tribal Cafe? Oh such delicious food. Yum yum.

Other than that, lets see something new thats been going on... well...

I am officially addicted to Rice Krispies. I can't stop eating them. Such sweet marshmallows and rice krispies stuck together... man.. I want one now. Heh.

Also, I have come to believe that potatoes are one of the basic things a human can survive on. Seriously! You can make potato wedges, tater tots, french fries, baked potato, scalloped potatoes, potato bread, potato cakes, potato chips, etc... and they are satisfying and rich in carbs... yeah!

About a few weeks ago or so, I have grown to realize I have quite a creative mind when it comes to sexual arousal or ideas. (And no, don't come to me to satisfy your own, because I don't plan to put any to action.) Funny enough, Diego said that by the time I am in college I am going to be into all the kinky stuff. I am beginning to think this is true. Not all of it, but most of it. And as I let my mind wander off more, the more creative I can get. I don't plan as I said, tp put any of this into action unless the time is right. Like if I were to be in a serious relationship and we are comfortable with doing such things. Hah.

Speaking about relationships... love is in the air. (It must be because of Spring.) Haha, no no kidding.
But it is. And it makes me quite sad that sooner or later I might be the one without a partner. Blehh.

I think I'll stop blogging. I am quite distracted doodling away with Robert and Richard. Its really fun. Heh. I need to do English homework, running out of time. Damn it. Haha.

Peace and Love
Xoxo
Maria

Magnetism

2010-05-03T18:18:00.000-07:00

"Its not my desire
Its not my choice
In not intentional
I'm hypnotized by your voice

The same old thing
But always knew
Its unbelievable how strongly I feel pulled towards you

Its more like magnetism, than anything else
I can't fight; I'm pulled against my will
It was not my decision; if you couldn't tell
Its more like magnetism
I can't even control myself

Can I keep away?
I feel the tension grow
Its getting stronger now, its getting stronger now
Its getting stronger now, you're all I see
You have so much power over me

Its more like magnetism than anything else
I can't fight; I'm pulled against my will
It was not my decision; if you couldn't tell
Its more like magnetism
I can't even control myself

Its more like magnetism between you and me
I can't fight; I'm pulled against my will
Yeah and my appetite to coincide with you grows stronger every night
And I can't fight magnetism

You know I can't even control myself"

As much as I wish to have written something as extraordinary as this, I didn't. Landon Pigg did. I am in love with that guy. He just has amazing songs, and a beautiful voice. This is one of his songs, and I just love it so much. I can replay it over and over. And for me, its something I can relate to. I am sure everyone can. When you just feel so attracted to someone, you can't know what you're doing. You loses your senses and as much as you try to not get so attracted to them you can't! Because it is they are like a magnet. Personally I love this song. Heh. Anyways, enjoy! :]

You've Lived A Life Full of Lies

2010-04-30T18:58:00.000-07:00

You barely realize it now.

You've been breathing for 16 years.

Your blood has been pumping through your veins.

Your loved ones are near you always.

And suddenly you see a paper that says its a lie, all a lie

A god damn lie I tell you.

The worst part is, you had the feeling all along.

This life wasn't as pretty as it seemed.

Your blood wasn't pumping as you thought it would be.

You can barely breathe now.

And all you can do is cry, cry your eyes out.

Because your loved ones never told you.

You have just lived a life full of lies, full of secrets in disguise.

And its a shame you barely uncover them now.

I can't even explain why I wrote this... the reason why is just.. too overwhelming to say. And I'm too weak to handle it at the moment. I feel completely horrible, and lost. And one of the very few ways I could let it out was through a measly writing. It helps to write away what's eating you up inside. Or at least talking it out. Well, for me at least. Anyways... enjoy... I guess. :/

Monster

2010-04-26T18:18:00.001-07:00

Please don't be scared to see me.
I don't want to scare you.
I know I have an ugly appearance, full of scars and injuries.
I am not flawless.
I know I look like a monster, a freak.
And I know that you'd just rather hide than look at me.
Please, I don't want to scare you anymore.
Because behind my horrifying image
Is a person who wants to get rid of these scars.

I guess I can say I finally wrote something.
My reason for this, well I have quite a few. And really I am not gonna go into much detail about this.
But I got inspired to write this because this is how I feel at times. Not in the sense of my outer appearance. I am perfectly fine with who I look like on the outside. But just in other aspects of myself. Where I am really just this brutal grotesque being... or I have given off that vibe before... and its not who I want to be. I don't want to be a monster.
Its not something that really is great, but hey... I'm just happy to open my mind again and let it wander off with ideas. Enjoy...

I Look At My Blog

2010-04-26T17:35:00.000-07:00

And something odd I see.

The font got larger.

I don't like it.

Blahh. I have no idea why I put this.

Gotta go. Do work. I'll blog later.

Peace and Love

Xoxo

Maria

Post 200

2010-04-26T17:24:00.000-07:00

Amazing isn't it? I made it this far... hmm.

I don't know, but as usual Mondays don't seem to hit it off right with me. They tend to be boring, sleepy, numb.

All of these things applied today. Really. And I cried for a bit when I got home.

Although, I don't want to get into detail about that, because its not really worth getting into detail anymore. Its just the usual same old things, that always get to me. The same things that will never leave. As much as I try to move on from them and stay strong, they come back up and bring me back down. That is not much fun.

Other than that... what am I excited for? Quite a few things...

Erika and I are trying to earn money for a Muse concert. Apparently they haven't sold out yet. I have 38 bucks. Fuck my life.

On Thursday, my dad's coming back home. I have missed him quite so. When he comes home, I'm going to be happy to see him. I won't care about anything else. I just want to ask him about his trip and everything. I'm getting quite excited already.

Also, an undefined day where I will... feel alive again. I'm not going to go into detail about that either. Its something I don't want to specifically say because I believe now that hardly anything I specifically say is that important of mentioning. But overall, I am pretty excited for this day to come. I do not know when. I do not know where. But when it does, I think I am going to be much better than before.

I forgot why I was blogging... and I don't know why either because I have a bunch of work to complete.

But really, I have just become a person thats becoming more and more of a procrastinator... D:

Not a good idea.

As my friend Deja had on her Tumblr

"Procrastination will be the death of me."

Peace and Love

Xoxo

Maria

My Mind's Flowing

2010-04-22T16:38:00.000-07:00

With ideas! Hah.

Actually, not really. I've just been stuck on one, so I think I might write a story... and I just might post it up here. MIGHT.

Anyways, this week is already coming to a close. Its a Thursday and really I am quite excited for the weekend. However I realize I do have a lot of work to accomplish, a lot of reading.. its all schoolwork really. I wonder if I'll be able to do it all by the beginning of next week.

School I guess has gotten better for me. Things have just been settled out and people in my classes aren't so bad. Hah. I enjoy my History, English and Avid class. Its pretty fun. Like today in English I tried helping Robert with his Hero's Journey but that dumbbutt kept distracting himself. Can you believe he likes me middle name? Its the first time he's heard it.

Eugenia. Yeah, really nice. :P

And of course, in History I sit next to Diego, so he always makes things fun. Kinda knocked out on me today though. I had to make him stay awake.

I kinda look back on now and two weeks ago. I was just a bit different at that time. And I mean not drastically. But I guess things kept bumming me out really easily. Now its a bit harder. Things have just gotten more easier. And once more, I'm beginning to find this excitement in life. Especially about one thing. But I don't know how long I'll have to wait.

Well, I have to stop typing.

I have to do my work and well... write. Heh. :]

Peace and Love

Xoxo

Maria

What A Disappointment

2010-04-20T07:52:00.001-07:00

I don't know why, but safari hates me. On my iPhone. I try logging in to myspace or blogger. Nothing. What the hell! Why are you letting me down iPhone!? Agh.

Distressed Jeans

2010-04-19T07:57:00.001-07:00

Distressed jeans get on my nerves. I don't know why but I look forward to the day the chicks with the distressed jeans just takes them out of the washer and she can't wear them anymore because the holes are too big. :D

Trying To...

2010-04-18T15:30:00.000-07:00

Figure out a topic, but really, I can't think of anything.

Life is good for the time being... kinda. I'm just a bit blank, a bit uhh... just a bit down. Yeah. Well its just really on a thing I had to face on Friday. Nothing bad, although I do think I could have done much better. I guess overall I am just trying to stay optimistic, maybe something will turn up and stuff. Who knows?

But yeah! Overall life is good. Just a tad bored at the moment. A bit tempted as well.

And I have the creativity to write at the moment. I think I will. Heh.

Peace and Love

Xoxo

Maria

I Can Talk

2010-04-14T16:37:00.000-07:00

I can talk for hours and hours about many many things.

But to make it short, life is getting sweeter for me. Since yesterday, man have things taken a turn.

The opportunity I wanted and have been waiting for is finally here. I guess that alone can make my day, every day. It makes me smile. It gives my tummy butterflies and my heart starts racing.

What else awaits me? I am not sure. But I am pretty good where I am now. I really can't ask for more.

Peace and Love
Xoxo
Maria

It's Good To Be Home

2010-04-09T15:34:00.000-07:00

Today I can actually say that with much enthusiasm. I just... really dislike school now. Its official.

But other than that, I do have quite a few exciting things going on. Especially for next week. A certain aspect of my life just might just take a turn.

And of course, I am happy for this weekend. I might hang out with Erika on Sunday. So yep! Thats all going good now.

Just something I want to share.

Someday, I am going to burst. Burst out of rage, burst out of joy. Because its all mixed in there. And man, when I do burst, you're gonna realize what you've been keeping away from.

Peace and Love
Xoxo
Maria

Two AM

2010-04-08T02:08:00.001-07:00

It's two AM
I am the only one standing.
Three hours to go.

Peace and Love
Xoxo
Maria

All Nighter

2010-04-07T20:21:00.001-07:00

This is from my phone. Heh.

Anyways, just a short post right now. I am excited for tonight. I know it's a school day, but I am down to pull an all nighter with Erika and Bryant. We are gonna stay awake all night. Let's see how long I last. Heh. :)

Peace and Love
Xoxo
Maria

Itchy Throat, Yet Still Strong

2010-04-06T20:40:00.000-07:00

Its April already. Damn.

I realize that we have been four months into the year already. Karen and I were talking and she said its two more months until June. Time is running out for me. For many things. Scary...

Anyways, lately I have been alright. More and more am I beginning to realize that school just doesn't have that same passion as before. I don't know why. Is it the fact that everything else around me has just numbed me inside, to the point where I don't care about much? Really, its an odd thing. I was talking about it with Erika today and I told her how I have been feeling lately. About school and how things are going there. It just feels so odd and so different. Tense is the main emotion. I guess I just try to get through the day without breaking and lashing out at people. I try to keep it in and I just really screw myself over. Its a relief to get home at times because I just feel more liberated. I could just pour it all out, and I am back to normal. Until the next day and I have to face it all over again. Oh school, you have become an absolute burden for me.

But other than that, my life outdoors has been great! Gone out with Erika quite a few times including today. She gave me a itchy throat that seems to get worse at the minute, but I don't mind.

I like going outdoors more. I feel more free. I have many things to do, but not much time to do it. And every time I do, man does it feel good. Heh. Its just good.

Other than that, lately I have been trying to search deeply for answers. Within myself and significant others. Trying to put pieces of a puzzle together, but once I think I have a piece it turns out to be the wrong one. This puzzle will take a long time to solve.

And I just remembered... I had a fun Easter. I took an egg from a kid and I didn't feel this earthquake many have been talking about. I ate carne asada. Yumm and I had a photoshoot with my friend Victor. He's good. I hope to get those pictures soon.

Anyways... I am done writing.
I'm tired. hah.

Peace and Love
Xoxo
Maria

Because All I Can Give You Is

2010-04-04T21:26:00.000-07:00

The benefit of the doubt. There's something there. I can't put my finger on it. But what you're doing is not entirely because you want to hurt people. It's something else. And because of that, I am giving you the benefit of the doubt.

Move On Now

2010-03-31T18:42:00.000-07:00

"Baby, Baby I think its time we move on now
Baby, Baby I think its time we move on now

Looking out my bedroom window
See the planes take off from Heathrow
One by one they come and go
On and on, on and on

I think about the places I'd go
I think about this place I call home
All the shots and all that come
All around all around

Red light blinking in the twilight
Tracing in a path right out of here and now
Red light blinking in the twilight
Tracing in a path right out of here and now

Baby, Baby I think its time we move on now
Baby, Baby I think its time we move on now

Don't you think its quiet around here
Doesn't seem so much to do here
Thinking back to this time last year
Good times, good times, good times
Don't you think we stay for too long
Don't you think the color has gone
Get on a plane it can't be wrong
Moving on, Moving on

Red light blinking in the twilight
Tracing in a path right out of here and now
Red light blinking in the twilight
Tracing in a path right out of here and now

Baby, Baby I think its time we move on now
Baby, Baby I think its time we move on now

Baby, Baby I think its time we move on now
Baby, Baby I think its time we move on now
Baby, Baby
Baby, Baby
Baby, Baby I think its time we move on now

Those things they look empty
But wait till it all comes down
Nothings going on round here
Its time we let it change
Got a feeling my love
We've gotta get out
Before it brings us down"

Once more, I gotta give kudos to William Beckett. He put this up on his Saturday Night Music Club, and at first when I heard this song it kinda bored me. But the more and more I replayed it, I saw the lyrics and wow. It just connects to a part of me in the sense that it is time to move on from certain things, certain people. I have gone through it before, and this song is just perfect for that sense. :]

Last Day of the Month!

2010-03-31T17:49:00.000-07:00

And I only got nineteen blog posts so far. Out of the 31 days of March. I am missing twelve. Haha. I dunno what else is coming up. But I do have a few other posts coming up. I might as well upload a few pictures my friend Deja took today since they do involve today.

But it is the last day of the month.

Lets see what this month brought us...

It brought me my favorite season of the year. Spring. March 21 people!

It also brought me my birthday, and I am now officially sixteen. Much love to everybody who made that day extra special. :]

It brought me my amazing Labbit. Thank you Victor! :D

I was able to hang out with my friends and have great adventures with them.

It also brought quite a few surprises.

Like Ricky Martin is gay. Then again, who DIDN'T know that?

I also got threatened on formspring. Probably someone connected to Brandon, since right before the threat someone asked me about Brandon. But hey! Nothing happened! I am still here! No bruises or anything. Haha.

And I got my iPhone! Surprisingly enough, I haven't lost it yet. :D

But overall, I am just happy about this month. Granted, just like any regular month, it did have a bit of its issues... but who cares? I think I just have to focus on the positive and make the best out of it all. And good enough, thats what I did. I love this month. And I will always believe that....

Everything good happens in March

Peace and Love
Xoxo
Maria

Baby Names

2010-03-30T19:42:00.000-07:00

Girls

-Keira
-Marie
-Monserrat
-Lux
-Roxanne
-Donna
-Violet
-Rosalie
-Antoinette
-Rose
-Sydney
-Isabel
-Portia
-Eliza
-Taylor
-Blair
-Charlotte
-Jayden

Boys

-Jasper
-Brandon
-Dylan
-Mason
-Damon
-Timothy
-Anthony
-Stephen
-Leonardo
-Raphael
-Demetrius
-Nathaniel
-James
-Ethan
-Matthew
-Shaant
-Luke
-Kurt
-Toby
-Ashton
-Chase
-Aiden

Heh, so this was written on October 23 of last year. I was in Avid in Erika and I was talking to her about having kids and what would we name them/ So that is the list of the names I would choose if I had a boy or a girl. Pretty awesome. She helped! Heh. Se actually put a lot of celebrity names... or fictional characters. But either way this was a pretty fun list. :]

The Forbidden

2010-03-30T19:15:00.000-07:00

Forbidden is the word that forms in my mind. Forbidden is my anguish. I try to claw at it, to destroy it. I want to tear it to pieces. The Forbidden. It stops me as I walk out to reach for something I have grown to desire. It stops me at my tracks and it throws me off guard. It reminds me I'm not supposed to want this. I'm not supposed to want it at all. And yet my conscious has been set off, and I want to charge ahead. Why can't I just possibly pass through this with no judgmental reactions, no change, no pain? Damn this feeling.

-12-11-09

Today I was looking through my little writings. (Currently I still am.) And I came across this. My intentions for writing it, I can clearly remember. I don't think I ever planned to put this up because I thought I did a bad job. I still think of it as something average. But at least I put it up because since I wrote that, I have had struggles with a few things that the people around me disagree with. Soo yeah! enjoy. :]

The Bathroom

2010-03-30T14:45:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, was a pretty good day. Hung out with Karen, Erika, Eric, Priscy, Diego, Alejandro and Samantha and we saw "The Runaways." Later on we just walked around, ate, and hung out. It was a nice way to start off my only week of spring break. Tomorrow, I am off with Lesly, Deja and my friend Adrien to visit my elementary school. But that is not the point of my post. Haha.

Yesterday evening I was in the bathroom, and I just sat on the floor and while listening to music I realized that this small place was where I have let out so much, aside from my bedroom. The bathroom is where I usually like to reflect and think about certain things. Odd enough, at times I stare at the mirror and I just think while staring at the middle.

For example during the summer, the bathroom was my main place to just let things out. I would just pour out so much, whether it was about something that upset me that day, or just that one thing that affected or was the highlight of my entire summer. So as you can see, the bathroom is just that one place.

Anyways, back to last evening. Once more the bathroom became my place to think about things. And in this case as I heard the song "Help Me Find My Way," by Rooney I just let out a couple of tears. Perhaps it was the lyrics. I am not so sure. But the definite thing is it led me to think about something that I haven't thought about much lately.

I dunno how far the consequences of my actions have reached. I don't know if I lost another opportunity. Once more, history repeats. It repeats to the point where I am once more wanting another opportunity. The thing is, I don't know if I am going to get it. I didn't get it last time. But things can change, right? I miss this factor that pretty much changed me so much already.

Peace and Love
Xoxo
Maria

Killian's Red

2010-03-28T19:48:00.001-07:00

"I'm putting this night down to bed
Cause I was sitting at the bar
Hoping you'd walk in the door
That says Killian's Red
Cause I left you a note that said
Come on out and we'll both
Get right off with our heads
And float up off the chair

We'll go on vacation tonight
Under a sun of neon light
And I almost love this town
When I'm by your side

You woke me from a long sleep
And I'm almost back
Closer than ever
To finding the hidden track
If I told you the truth
You wouldn't like what I said.
I almost believed I was dead
There'll be no more waiting
You're gonna melt all the ice in my head
There'll be no more crying
You're gonna make it all better instead.

I'm putting this night down to bed
Cause I was sitting at the bar
Hoping you'd walk in the door
That says Killian's Red
Cause I left you a note that said
Come on out and we'll both
Get right off with our heads
And we'll float up off the chair

I get secrets at night
But they don't stay
I get secrets at night
But they go away

We'll go on vacation tonight
Under a sun of neon light
And I almost love this town
When I'm by your side

You woke me from a long sleep
And I'm almost back
Closer than ever
To finding the hidden track
If I told you the truth,
You wouldn't like what I said
I almost believed I was dead
There'll be no more waiting
You're gonna melt all the ice in our heads
There'll be no more crying
You're gonna make it all better instead."

I gotta give much kudos to William Beckett and his blog for letting me be introduced to this song. I have never heard of Nada Surf before, and as I was reading William Beckett's blog he puts this song as one of the "Saturday Night Music Club" posts. So I decide to hear it and at first I was intrigued by the fact that it begins all eerie. But later on I paid more attention to the lyrics. Granted, I don't drink at a bar Killian's Red but the main point of the song is that the singer is waiting for someone that is significant in their lives yet he feels he is insignificant in that person's life. Its one of those few songs that I have heard lately that I can just put on repeat for quite some time. Once more, I gotta give much kudos to William Beckett. That man has an amazing taste in music.

Peace and Love
Xoxo
Maria

Wandering Mind

2010-03-28T19:01:00.001-07:00

A certain image has appeared to me quite a few times lately.

My mind goes back to about two years. Maybe one. I was attending something in Cal State LA. A new building was being opened. The student union. I went with a few friends to just relax. I remember drinking over five cups of tea that had about five packets of sugar each. I remember competing in games to win some measly prizes like water bottles or shirts. But I think the thing I most remember was a group playing in the center of the plaza and they sounded like ska/reggae. Pretty interesting combination to hear and I could swear it delighted my ears. I remember seeing the students dance in rhythm to the music, particularly a boy in a leather jacket and some gray skinnys. Very attractive indeed. But I was amazed to see how liberal they were. They didn't care how awkward the dance was; it was just them and the music. As you can tell, the event was a pretty good experience for me.

I think this weekend, my mind has been a collection of images from the past. Some I don't intend to mention. But really, it has been a pretty good weekend. Its kind of interesting to relive those memories in my mind, to the beat of the music and my mind goes from a different memory to another. I haven't done that in awhile. I haven't let my mind wander on its own. Its lately just been in limited control. So I think its pretty good.

This week, I guess you can say I have been alright. I feel like there have been a few things that have been a bit out of place when i could have sworn they were getting back in place. But I was wrong right? Ahh, but I really haven't tried to let it get to me and I am just trying to keep things going smoothly as much as possible.

And of course! Spring break has begun! I am quite excited. Tomorrow I am going with both Erikas, Samantha, Diego and hopefully Karen to Citywalk to go watch "The Runaways" and "Remember Me." I really hope I can go too actually. Haha. But well, other than that I also plant o go visit my old elementary school, have an adventure with Erika and I think thats about it. The other days I just want to stay in and sleep. I need my sleep. And do homework, as much as I hate it. Why can't spring break be longer? haha. Oh man.

Well I'll post a few more things up later on. :]

Peace and Love
Xoxo
Maria

Finally, Spring Is Here

2010-03-22T18:21:00.000-07:00

Finally! Spring is here. My favorite season of all time. See, I am telling you, good things have been going on in March. Heh. :]

Unfortunately I really haven't been keeping up with my word about trying to blog daily this month. I don't really just have an excuse either. I just procrastinate. So as you can see, its March 22, and if you include this post, I am about... nine posts behind? Haha. I haven't really written anything either. My iPhone has consumed my time as I spend it texting, using my apps and going online. Its really uhhh... addicting I guess. I even gave my iPhone a name. Its name is Eric. I named it Eric because one day Eric and I were talking and he told me he wanted to get an iPhone and I told him he should have because we would have been iPhone buddies. So then we were talking about cellphone names. He named his Meezy, so I had no clue what to name mine. He suggested Eric, and I decided to take his suggestion.

Anyways, lately I haven't been up to much. CAHSEE testing was last week, and trust me, anyone can pass that test. It didn't take up much of my time. At least last week I didn't have a bunch of homework either. Also, I got threatened on formspring, if thats to any one's amusement. Pretty funny how they send threats anonymously. Cowards.

But this weekend was pretty good. I was pretty much occupied the whole time, so I hardly spent it at home. Especially yesterday. I hung out with Eric, Bryant and Andrew. I ate at Gus's with Eric and Bryant, which was pretty fun because Eric got the sickest burger ever. It was the Colossal Burger and it had pastrami inside and it kept leaking all the fat and stuff. Bryant and I were both disgusted. Then we met up with Andrew in which I met Ana and she is really small and pretty nice. :]
And then we went to Gamestop to get Bryant's xBox live stuff. Then we walked some more and we reached Bryant's place. I fell in love with his little golden retriever. Heh. Then I had to say goodbye to Bryant. Goodbye for a very long time actually. I am going to miss my big kid. :(

To top it all off, when I got home yesterday I was tired from all the walking, but then my parents dragged me along to go shopping. On a positive note though I got leather chucks (YES LEATHER), and two shirts. So it was a pretty good day yesterday overall.

As for today, it was absolutely a tiring Monday. I am lacking sleep and enthusiasm. Tommy's has satisfied my tummy and music is bringing joy to my ears. I have to complete as much homework as possible and.. yeah. Thats about it. Haha.

Something random. The keyboard feels funny to my fingers at the moment. I guess I have gotten used to the touch screen of my iPhone its kind of odd at the moment to type. Feels awesome though. Heh.

Well, I think thats about it for an update. This time for sure, I promise I am going to come up with something. For... whoever reads this anymore. Damn. -_-

Peace and Love
Xoxo
Maria

My Artistic Side

2010-03-18T18:28:00.000-07:00

Today as I sat in English class, I was terribly bored. My teacher Ms. Bone was still doing her power point presentation on how Jews have been persecuted through history. My alternative at first was to reply back to the text messages I had received in the past five minutes, but then my phone would have been taken away. =P

But then a funny thing popped into my mind. A Jewish hat. I dunno if any of the people reading this have seen Jewish men, they wear these black hats, they kinda look like top hats...? I dunno how to describe them, but that came to my mind. I did not want to draw a Jewish person, but I wanted to draw something with that little hat.

So I grabbed my pen, and I drew it. I then drew a little round face, and I made a roundish body. Little black boots in the bottom, and I gave the face an eye, and bangs. Haha. And last but not least, I drew her an arm. Heh.

It kinda felt incomplete to me though. So I decided to give her a little bit of swirls in the back. I have no idea why swirls out of all things. I was thinking something more smudgy and more intense, but I guess I couldn't form it out.

But still, it felt so incomplete! I wanted to draw another little character, and thats how I came up with the one on the right. He wasn't supposed to have a hat, but his hair was too big, and the hat would make him look just right. Haha. He looks so chubby. :)

And to top it off (And at times I think I killed the image with it) I drew a little... thing I like to call "Fluffy." Its pretty obvious why I gave it the name. Haha.

So I grabbed my iPhone, and I took a picture of it. But of course, I have to admit, my iPhone does not take the best pictures. So what was left to do? Edit it of course! So I went to my Photoshop app made a few adjustments and voila! I give you my little piece of art. Heh. :]

I showed it to Kathy and she thinks its adorable. I think I might redo it again on a blank piece of paper and put it in my binder as decorations, because I drew this on my notes. Not really a good idea to be honest, but as I said I was bored!

Anyways I think something else that highlighted my day today was that I cried while watching this movie called "Life Is Beautiful." Its a foreign film, Italian to be specific, and its about this Jewish Italian man named Guido and how he and his family get sent to a concentration camp. It was really sweet and comical at first, because in the first half it shows how he meets his wife. It was so cute and cheesy. In the second half, it shows how Guido, his son Joshua (who is absolutely adorable!) and his uncle get sent to a camp. And then I cried in the end. I am not going to give away anymore, because I am telling you, you have to watch this movie! Hah.

So in conclusion, this is what I wanted to blog about. I might come up with a few writings later on, since I have no homework to finish. So hurray!

Peace and Love
Xoxo
Maria

Venting

2010-03-14T16:09:00.002-07:00

I think this picture kind of relate to my title, or my feelings right now. I imagine myself on a dock or on a balcony and I am looking out at the view around me and I am thinking about whatever is on my mind at the moment. Its a good feeling actually. I have done it quite a few times, and the one I can remember the most was when I was looking at the city from a balcony view in El Salvador and I spent a good twenty minutes there just thinking about everything I left behind and I finally was finally able to make a clear minded choice about my main problem at that time, which was Sheep.

I think the most recent ones were last week, when I heard some sad piece of information and I just had to get out of the class. I was on the balcony at my school and i was just reflecting a bit on the things I heard. It was a bit hard to accept and process, but what I heard that day made me realize I have to do something sooner than I expected. I cannot procrastinate.

And the last one, well I just had to get out. I just wanted air, I felt suffocated. So I think this is a new aspect of me. Actually, its a way for me to relieve myself from whatever is overwhelming me at the moment. And its a great therapeutic technique for me.

But the reason I am saying this is kind of a background for right now.

I need to vent out.

Granted, today was a good day. I went out, got some chinese, yumm yumm. Got unlimited texting for my phone now too, so hit me up! Ahaha.

But I guess its just a few statements I read. They finally got to me. Miraculously, this time they didn't extremely overwhelm me, but still I was very thrown off by them. And I guess it makes me think about how lately all the feelings and actions going on led to this. It all accumulates than breaks into little pieces. Its crazy man. I just needed to let it out. This issue though, I don't know how long its going to take to solve or anything. I hate not knowing. Time will tell.

In the meantime, I will just keep clearing my head out. And if anything, I will keep this updated. :]

Peace and Love
Xoxo
Maria

Sleepy Head Of MIne

2010-03-12T15:57:00.000-08:00

Pheww, I haven't blogged since.. Tuesday? Yeah, I think. Or Wednesday. Nope! Tuesday. Blahh. So much for me blogging every single day of March huh? Haha.

Anyways, right now I am in a kinda of... zoned out feeling. Very tired actually. I woke up tired, I was pretty much in a iffy mood all day. It just wasn't my day. Except for lunch. Lunch was kind of fun. Albina and her fear of bird poop really cracks me up. I knocked out in Algebra 2, tried to knock out in Avid, but people in that class never shut the hell up. So I asked permission to use the bathroom and I went out and I walked around the school. I went all the way up to the third balcony and I was admiring the view. I think that tired me out. Walking home, I was sleepy. Kind of tripped along the way. And this guy and his friend stopped me and gave me a little paper for a rave? Party? No clue. But the guy who handed me the card was really cute. He was pale, and he didn't have long hair, but he was cute. He's like "Are you interested in going someplace next Friday?" I said, "Sure!" And hes like "Yeah, Fo'sho." Ahaha, it cracks me up a bit this moment.

Ahh, but right now, I am a bit worried about tomorrow. I am not sure if tomorrow, is going to be a definite day for a reunion. My baby boy can't come, and Karens not sure. Sam, either. Diego yes and Kathy too. -Gasps!- I forgot Deja... andddd, Ale isn't sure if he wants to go? Mannn, what the hell is going on? But hopefully, it all turns out to be really good. I miss my friends and I am dying to see some of them rather than none. D:

Let me see... -strains head to think about what else to blog about-
I'm hungry. And I really haven't eaten anything, so I must search for something to eat.
Also, I am getting my iPhone today, so hurrahhh!

OH! Well lately, I've been thinking a lot about uhhm, Biology actually. We were watching this video called "Why Sex?" And how Sexual reproduction is important in evolution and stuff, and how in humans, the females typically choose someone who will not leave them to raise their offspring alone. Also, we give off certain scents that attract us to a mate and stuff... I never really expected Biology to be so involved in the moments where I have a crush on someone. Definitely interesting little perspective.

Currently listening to Landon Pigg, and more than ever I love him. I think I have said this quite too much. His music makes me think of the song I had on my iPod "Falling In Love At A Coffee Shop." This guy is simply amazing. I miss my iPod. Which gets me excited for iPhone. I am getting it today! :D I said this before, I know. Ahaha.

Well I am done posting random stuff.
See ya later!

Peace and Love
Xoxo
Maria

I Don't Appreciate My Evening

2010-03-09T19:52:00.001-08:00

Here I am at home, my face is tear stained and I don't want to explain why.

Its the same recurring theme over and over for the past sixteen years actually. Since I have been alive. Perhaps I don't remember the impact it had when I was a toddler, but once I began to remember things, I knew. It impacted me so much. It still does. Funny how if its the same thing I would have learned by now how to deal with it and not let it break me down. And yet, here I am sixteen years later, back at square one. I guess throughout the years I have learned how to handle this situation, what to say, and what to avoid saying. But in the end, good or bad I end up in tears. I guess sometimes its tears of pain, of grief. At times its just when I am letting out so much and I feel so overwhelmed that I choke up and cry. I can cry to the point where I can't even breathe. I feel anger inside and bitterness towards it. I know people who get into the same situation and all I feel is rage. Anger. How could they get involved in something that will destroy them so much? How could they tell ME to do it as well after they know my problems? Its disappointing, and thats how I feel right now. Disappointed in the people around me, especially one of the closest of them all. Promises that have been broken. So much for trying to keep that promise if they are too weak and too cowardly to face their problems. The problems that get to me, and they lead me to this scene. I'm growing sick of this, and I just had to let it out. Let it all out. I dunno why I am posting a blog about this. I never wanted to expose myself to the point where I would blog about my current dilemma. Yet here I am, doing just that. I dunno why.

I think aside from my evening, I am happy that I had a good day at school. I can't complain about that. My Labbit joined me. (Yes I have a Labbit now, Victor got me one for my birthday.) And people were amazed by my Labbit. Heh. And I joined the film class that Sam is in. I am finally passionate, as I explained to Sam, about doing something in school. I haven't felt like that in a while. Its pretty good. But overall, I'm okay. I'll be good.

And if you read this, then great. I guess you saw a bit of a break in me today. :P

Laters.

Peace and Love
Xoxo
Maria

Sputter

2010-03-07T17:37:00.000-08:00

How it all happened I don't remember.
At first, it was a smooth car drive on an empty lane.
For once, there was no traffic on the road, or angry drivers honking at one another.
It was one of those rare drives where you could just take in your surroundings as you pass by.
But the car just had to stop.
The car began to sputter out. It failed me.
In the end, there was no time to take in the pretty view.
Suddenly car honking became a deafening noise to my ears.
And I felt congested in traffic.
We just had to sputter out.
We just had to sputter out.
We just had to sputter out.

Yes! I finally wrote about the other word. As I said, this is the other word I write on my wrist. And it actually comes from the song "Sputter" by The Academy Is. Amazing song by the way. But anyways, I guess one day as I was bored, I was trying to find a word to complete my wrist. (Stupid, right?) But this popped to mind. So now whenever I am bored, and I mean extremely bored, I write "Sputter" and "Crush" on my wrists. In this case, I talked about a car drive. Try figuring it out, heh. :] Anyways, hope you guys enjoyed it.

Peace and Love
Xoxo
Maria

Crush

2010-03-05T21:51:00.000-08:00

Here I am, watching as my pen ink spreads on to my skin.
The black darkness goes through each little pore,
Suffocating and dying
Letters slowly form
Crush.
Lets just keep crushing these pores with this black toxic ink.
Surely then this word will forever stay in my wrist.

This was also something that came to mind as I was talking with Karen while she shared with me some of her writings. Of course, this was intended to be written awhile back. Well the topic. See, this is one of the words I always write on my wrist. The other one is "Sputter" and I actually plan to write something about that later on. But while reading Karen's writings, the word "crush" came to mind, and I wrote that. It was kind of hard though. Since the word has so many meanings. I really couldn't choose one. But I guess I tried my best, and this is my final result. So hopefully you guys enjoy reading this.

Peace and Love
Xoxo
Maria

Play, Pause, Repeat.

2010-03-05T21:20:00.000-08:00

I write drafts that never get posted
I dial numbers but never press talk.
I always pray, but end up knocking out as I close my eyes.
Perhaps its sheer procrastination
... Or is there something blocking my way?

I have been thinking about this for quite some time. Well the fact of wanting to do something, but you never get through it. Maybe you never have the guts to do it, or you procrastinate it. Sometimes as much as you want to, you can't. Something is in the way. Well, I guess I just wrote this because I have had moments where all these three have happened. I procrastinate about some things, I fear doing others, and at times, as much as I want something I just can't get it. Its not allowed. I guess you can say forbidden, right? Anyways, just came up with this, got inspired through Karen as she was showing me some of her writings from 9th grade, which are all very beautiful and creative. Vivid and beautiful, so I guess I tried to do something. Heh. Hope you guys enjoy.

Peace and Love
Xoxo
Maria

Finally Sixteen

2010-03-04T17:14:00.000-08:00

Today, I am officially sixteen years old. Feels funny.

When I got out of the bathroom, my mom gave me a card and she and my dad hugged me. When I got to school, people wished me a happy birthday and gave me hugs and Karen brought me cake. In Avid, the class sang to me. Erika was missing out. What a bummer. When I get home, I get tons of comments and messages wishing me a happy birthday. I don't think I've ever gotten so many before. So I guess this really topped it off. It was a really nice day today though overall. Although I haven't done anything for today, I am looking forward to the weekend and next weekend. Family and friends are gonna make me happy. They always do.

And today more than ever, I realize the joy my family and friends bring me. They are more than anything materialistic can satisfy me with. They give me so much love everyday, love I don't deserve and they do it all the time, even more on my birthday. I just really wanted to say thank you, and really my friends and family are the greatest gifts I could ever receive today, and always.

I know its a bit short, I procrastinated a bit, but I hope people enjoy reading this. :]

Peace and Love
Xoxo
Maria

Laugh Attacks

2010-03-03T17:01:00.000-08:00

I think that must have been the highlight of my day today. Laugh attacks. I spent the whole day laughing. Like in 5th, I was laughing so hard my stomach began to ache. After school, Danny and Diego got all up on my face (I forgot about what though) but I could not stop laughing. Those boys are just too much.

However, I must say, today was a bit lonely. Erika and Samantha weren't there. So it was just Karen, Albina, Diego and Pedro (who rarely hangs out with us). Albina and I almost got into another food fight, in this case it was Pop Tarts, but the principal caught us. Damn. Other than that, lunchtime was alright. We tried recording a bit, and Diego didn't want me recording him. But at least we got something recorded.

Something that made me think a lot was English class. We watched this short part of "60 Minutes," in which this guy named David Cash had seen his friend threaten a 7 year old girl, but he did nothing about it. He just walked out of the bathroom and acted like if nothing was wrong. Twenty minutes later or so, his friend came out of the bathroom and immediately confessed that he sexually assaulted and killed the little girl. So the friend turned himself in, but when people found out about David's conduct, it just got very ugly. The students at his school (UC Berkeley) wanted him expelled, while others wanted him to be prosecuted as well. I guess the main point was, why didn't he do anything, and should he have done something to speak out?

I guess for people its very easy to say that we should speak out if we see something like this happen. But what was running through his mind as he saw his friend threatening the little girl? Maybe he didn't think his best friend would do that. Not only that, but because he didn't know the little girl, maybe it wasn't his duty to say something. And what about her father? While he was gambling, she was in the bathroom getting assaulted. Does he have no blame in this? All of this got discussed today, and it made me think realize more than ever that its easier to say something than actually do it. Not only that, but we have many factors in our environment and life that affect our choices. I still think that he should have said something, or in the very least have a sense of remorse and help out the family of the victims. It would have been better than nothing.

On a cheerier note, my iTunes finally works again! Before I couldn't redeem gift cards or any free songs and stuff, but apparently the problem was the date and the time. So I fixed that out in my computer and now it finally works. Once more, it is proof that everything good happens in March. :D

I am excited, more than ever for my iPhone. I am going to get it in less than two weeks or so. Definitely before the month. I am very happy about this. I haven't had a phone in my life, and now I am going to get my first phone which is also my dream phone. How very exciting. I was talking about it with Karen today, how when I have a phone I'm going to be sending text messages and using the Apps. I think I might get too addicted. More than the computer. Jeez.

Well, right now I have a few ideas for something to write about. I haven't written anything in my blog for awhile now, and something popped into my head when I got home. I still have a few other things from before... I don't know if they might every get posted, but I'll give it a shot.

Either way, right now, I gotta get back to my homework. Its the last one I have; which is English. And then after that I gotta complete my c-notes. Homework is not so difficult as long as I don't procrastinate. :]

Peace and Love
Xoxo
Maria

Pretty in Pink

2010-03-02T19:45:00.000-08:00

Today in the morning as I was changing my top for the second time already, I opened my drawers and tried to find a shirt that I haven't worn in awhile, and that was going to keep me warm throughout the day. As I looked through tons of shirts, and I couldn't choose even one, I decided to wear my gray shirt. I am growing fond of that shirt. My point is that as I was looking through my drawers, I realized I have a lot of pink shirts. I am really fond of the color pink, since I was small. But I guess I have never been surprised about the fact that I have a bit too much of pink in my wardrobe.

Anyways! Second day of March, and today was more calmer I guess than yesterday? It was a Tuesday, so that meant early day schedule. Today I was really tired, I wasn't in the mood to do much. I guess it was just one of those days. But still a good day! Afterschool, I went to get a few things from the drugstore and then I ate McDonald's with my dad. A but of quality time there, and it was pretty nice. Then I got home and I've been home ever since.

Some few things caught my attention today though. Well, yeah. Somewhat. Ahah.

There's this really cute guy on my street, and I have no clue if he is younger than me or something, but he has really nice long hair and he is always riding his bike. (speaking about bikes, I want a bike, because I think it would help me tone my legs and I like to daydream that I can ride my bike everywhere I go.) He just looks really attractive. I wonder why I never saw this guy before. What a mystery it is.

Also, I've been acting stupid while talking to Vernon. Not my intention, but I guess I am just really blank in my head, I lose focus easily today. Damn. Ahaha.

I actually had a very fascinating conversation with Robert, as usual nowadays, but today's topic was farm animals. He wants a cow to go "Shamoo" (practically a mission impossible) While I want to get a miniature pig and tip a cow over. It was pretty hilarious to talk with him about a farm, and a cow trying to beat him up. This also reminded us of Family Guy, how Stewie had a European toy that made animal noises. The elephant went "Fwamp!," the cow went "Shazoo," and the pig went "Wenk!"

I keep replaying a song over and over by U2. I think this is the fifth time, or sixth. Its called "A Day Without Me" from their album "Boy." I really like their songs. I gotta post a blog about them someday...

And Diego and I have been arguing for the past two hours. I love that guy, he always makes things more amusing for me. I wonder what would my life be like without no Diego. I think it would be very different, very weird. Very lonely. Even though he and I playfully fight too much were I end up getting literally upset, I love that guy. Even though he doesn't say it. :]

Ahh, I am tired of blogging. But as I said, I am doing my best to keep up with a post each day for this month.

Peace and Love
Xoxo
Maria

(P.S) Go check out Vernon's blog. Its about something I am have high doubts about. Astrology.
AND two more days. :D

Conversations With Karen

2010-03-01T19:15:00.001-08:00

The setting is outside of MCLC. Karen and I are waiting for her dad to pick her up. During this time, we began talking about a few things, but the main thing that came across was her singing. As she was singing to a Paramore song, I began to sing, and I wasn't able to hear her actual voice. Our conversation kinda flowed like this.

Karen: In the future, I am going to be an intimidating actress, singer and writer.
Maria: Yeah, you are gonna scare the guys and the girls away.
Karen: Yes, because I am intimidating.
Maria: Yeah you're an intimidating chick. You make boys have flabby penises.

(Karen and Maria both start laughing.)

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The next part of our conversation takes place on Yahoo Messenger. As Karen logs on, I immediately sent her an instant message. This is how it went.

Maria:Hellooo! :]
Hello?
Are you there?
-Knocks-
Karen: I hate this fucking computer with all my guts.
Maria: Ahh, there there.
(Computer: Its just I am SO happy its March!)
Ahaha, no no I am kidding.
Patience. :]
Karen: PATIENCE?!
THERES NO SUCH THING AS PATIENCE WHEN IT COMES TO THIS DEVICE!
Maria: When you show patience to a device such as that, it shows the great tolerance you have you can apply with others.
And so far you have been patient and stuff.
Why break that patience now?
Karen: Oh my god Maria. Don't give me that crap. You're such a vagina. Lets switch and see how YOU do.
Maria: :O
......... You never called me a vagina before! D:
Karen: WELL I SAID IT!
HA!
VAGINA!
Maria:...... I've heard it out of Diego, but from you? YOU?! Out of all people? Oh noo. D:
Karen: Well I guess its me and Diego then. Aren't we both just awesome? Gee, I think so! So deal with it Va jay jay! Gosh.
Maria: Are you mad? O.o
Please don't be mad.
Karen: I'm not mad at the computer sweetie, not you.
Lol
You
Are too cute.
That its dorky.
:))

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
And thats pretty much the end of that conversation. Or that little fragment. It was pretty fun, and they definitely made my day a bit more hilarious. I certainly do love talking with this chick. :]

Peace and Love
Xoxo
Maria

Finally, It Is March

2010-03-01T16:21:00.000-08:00

For those who don't know, my favorite month of the year is March. Mainly because it is my birthday, but I have other reasons to like this month anyways. The point is... it is finally here! And man oh man, as I like to say:

"Everything good happens in March."

And so far, I gotta be pretty honest, March has gotten off to a good start!

For one, today, even though it was a Monday, school wasn't so bad. We had a Panorama Picture, and I was sitting with Karen, Samantha, Albina and Kathy. During that time we were talking about shopping and our next reunion, which will officially be next weekend, and among other things. :)

Aside from that, lunchtime was certainly fun! I had a grape fight with Albina! She lifted me too! That girl is strong! :O But certainly, my war with her is not over. I forgot who started the grape fight too, but the point is, I had fun running around chasing for grapes and throwing them at her. I hit her in the head and in the ass. Ahaha. It was funny.

Afterschool, I was with Karen waiting for her dad, and then when she left I walked home, which was really fun. I like walking home now instead of taking the bus. The bus can get really psychotic at times. But overall school was just nice and mellow. Very fun.

Once I got home I just got online, and my dad came home with a pretty amazing meal. Carne Asada people! It was just awesome to eat such juicy, flavorful, meat. Its rare that I eat Carne Asada, so of course this made me completely happy! Yummy for my tummy.

And of course, as you can tell, I am just happy overall. This day had nothing bad whatsoever, or anything to worry about. It was just great.

What will tomorrow bring? Hmm, I wonder. ;]

Three more days!

Peace and Love
Xoxo
Maria

(P.S) Since this is my favorite month, I am gonna try to blog everyday, because I just love March. :D

Four

2010-02-28T15:38:00.000-08:00

Today, I was talking to Vernon on Myspace, and I mentioned blogging. So here I am blogging, because I have been procrastinating for so long.

So how has long has it been? I guess about a week and a half. Damn. And out of the month of February, only eight posts. Sheesh.

Anyways, this weekend has been a very good weekend. On Saturday, I went to go see this German film called "The White Ribbon," and it has been nominated for Best Foreign Film by the Academy Awards. And trust me, this movie is great. It makes you think a lot in the end, and the message it tries to convey made me think about my History class, when we were learning about the War on Terror. Its a great movie, so if you guys ever want to watch some movie that is just not constantly advertised for, something more independent, I definitely suggest that. Its dark and mysterious.

Today, I got a surprise from a few friends. They baked me a cake for my birthday, which was really sweet. I was very moved by that and I am now more than ever excited to turn sixteen. In a way though, not really. I don't want to grow old. Its always a scary concept, the one of growing old that is. At times I overthink it and I get to the point where I start to hyperventilate.

Its not a fun feeling.

Anyways, at the moment, my dad is enjoying his soccer game, where he has his moments in which he screams. Its crazy. Its crazy what sports can do to a person. Hah.

As you can tell, I am blabbing...

Oh! I wanted to mention, today I was reading William Beckett's blog and every weekend or something, he puts up a song he really likes. In one of the posts it was "1901" by Phoenix and he explained how they have had other songs that are just as good as the one on their most recent album, "Wolfgang Amadeus Phoenix." And after reading his post I was thinking to myself, "Even William Beckett likes Phoenix!" But the main thought I had was how a lot of people keep acting like if they've been knowing Phoenix since they've been existing, when they have only heard three songs by the band. (Either 1901, Lisztomania, or Fences). Its annoying, and stupid. So, if anyone is reading this, and they act like that, go freaking hear more music if you really like Phoenix, because so far you are acting like a DAMN idiot.

Perhaps I am in the mood to write a bit. But first, I gotta do a few essays for English. Until then, I really don't have much to talk about.

Peace and Love
Xoxo
Maria

Unlucky Thirteen

2010-02-19T20:27:00.000-08:00

I think staring at this image for a long time gives me a sense of relaxation. At the moment I feel tired. Physically that is. Emotionally, I am a bit worn out, but nothing bad. I guess you can say I am alright.

As you can tell, I haven't blogged in quite some time. I missed blogging. Hah. Its kind of a way to distract myself and get away from things or just write them down... or type it I should say.

So far I've been alright. From my recent post, things have been calm and chill. This week has had nothing bad at all. Just a bit of boredom is all, but hey, boredom can get beaten off easily. :D

I really enjoyed Tuesday a lot. I guess that made the highlight of my day. And it was a lot of things really, not just one.

To start if off, my dad and I spent quality time together after school. Honestly, thats kind of rare now. I hardly communicate with my parents at all anymore or spend any quality time with them. They are busy a lot of the time. So on Tuesday it finally happened, and my dad and I went to go eat some pupusas.

School overall was good. I got amused by seeing Diego struggle with the lanyard I started for him, so by the end of the week I ended up finishing it for him. Ahaha.

Something that really stood out about Tuesday though was Albina's gift.
You see, awhile back she brought a catalog of dresses, and I was interested in one of them. So I got more info about it and I got fitted for it. And my parents liked the dress as well. And then on Tuesday, Albina tells me that she was gonna bring the dress aftershool. And I try it on in the bathroom, and in my head I was so amazed by the dress and I was freaking out about the price. (As you guys know, I have no money whatsoever for anything). When I asked her about the price she told me that it was free of charge, to consider it like my early birthday gift. That was amazing man. I was so speechless, the fact that she did so much for m with that dress! That dress is not cheap at all, for sure. I am happy to have her as my friend.

That chick is always sweet and caring, and she just goes out of her way to show you how special you are to her. Its very rare to find a friend like Albina; and I've learned that a lot over the course of high school, because things haven't always been so easy between all of us and stuff. But she nonetheless has been there and always shown much love towards all of us.

Anyways, by the end of this week, I made a goal. And I've been noticing how flabby my tummy has gotten, its beginning to get a muffin top again. So I thought about it, and I realized its because I have been eating out a lot and just overeating with Erika and stuff. Also, I've been drinking a bit too much soda. Like usual. And, well its time to detoxify all of that. I need to start eating healthy portions again and instead of soda, go for some other liquid, like water. Like today I went to Subway, and I usually get Coke... but in this case I got lemonade. Not bad, but its a start. Its tempting to go back, but I will not go back. I need to get back in shape.

I've also been getting a bunch of college mail because of PSAT scores. (I got a 1660) And well, I got interested by three college letters.
NYU, Rutgers, and Columbia.
So I have a few more options for what to apply for later on in the future.

Something awesome happened this week!
In my school office theres this new guy working there, and he was my teacher's assistant in 5th grade, and he finally recognized me yesterday! He and I talked for awhile and he finally recognized me! It was so awesome! I remembered my elementary school and it was good times. I miss those times. So much simpler. Ahaha.

Well, I am done blogging about my casual stuff. I want to write a bit of... poetry. Ahaha.
I got a few things in mind.
Especially about the words on my wrist.
Check in for new posts later on.

Peace and Love
Xoxo
Maria

February 02, 2010

2010-02-19T19:26:00.000-08:00

Bicycle
Wheels, Black
Pedaling, Racing
The Fear to Fall
Mobility.

Studs
Silver, Pointy
Patching, Adjusting, Placing
That Vest Has Studs
Punk.

Sweater
Beige, Baggy
Fluffy, Fragrant, Warming
The Ability to Soothe
Clothes.

I remember when I wrote this. Pretty much it was about two weeks ago. It was in the morning, and it was chilly. I got to school super early and I had nothing to do. The day before I learned about cinquains. (I blogged about it too.) So I thought of more things to write about. I came up with that. Just objects that had a meaning to me. They don't exactly belong to me. They belong to others. But, the people they belong to have obviously had an impact on me, or else I wouldn't be writing something like this. And of course, it took me forever to post up because Karen would forget to return my little note paper. I loaned it to her so she could get an idea on how to write cinquains. But overall, thats what I have for now. I thought of a few things to write about as I was editing photos today. So by the time I get off today, I hope to post something besides this. Heh.

Enjoy.

Peace and Love
Xoxo
Maria

This Cheesy Day

2010-02-14T16:11:00.000-08:00

While trying to look for an image, I thought of what keywords to type to find at least some decent results. I typed in cheese, and instead of finding pictures of cheese, I find pictures of different people posing with their friends, or just doing stupid faces.

Typical photo bucket. At least, if you plan to tag the picture, find something RELEVANT to tag it, not something like cheese so when people look for something they don't come across an ugly face! Jeez...

Anyways, I was going way off my topic today. Today is Valentine's Day. And honestly, for me its no issue at all to not have a Valentine, unlike OTHERS who were complaining about not having one. Seriously, how stupid. I consider this holiday to be full of cheesy teddy bears, different shades of red and pink, cards being sent back and forth, roses, you know... as Vernon mentioned, this is just one of those holidays where you spend your money when it can be used for other stuff! Or, why today out of all days to do sweet things for your significant other? I dunno, I just am not a big fan of it.

And yet, to contradict my belief about Valentine's Day, I am listening to romantic songs. (Currently its Rule the World by Take That). Or perhaps its just a sheer coincidence. =P
Also, I received a teddy bear, a few cards and lots of sweets from a couple of friends. I must say, I enjoyed the sweets. One of them was a piece of PINK chocolate. I am not kidding, it was pink, and it tasted good too!

Also, speaking about this certain day, on Wednesday I was talking to Jackie and she showed me her horoscope. And it was pretty specific to her problems. And believe me, I am highly skeptical of horoscopes. I rarely look at them, and I rarely believe in them. I am not going to rely on the stars or the location of the planets to determine my attitude for the day or anything. But her horoscope really got me questioning horoscopes again. So I checked my daily, weekly, and monthly horoscope. Pretty much seemed... like if it were specifically for me. And for Valentine's Day it said I was going to get tons of love, hugs and kisses. And well, it kinda was true. I got tons of affection from my friends, and my mom and I spent some pretty good quality time at a Japanese restaurant Erika and I went to dine at last year. Still though, I believe that even if I didn't read the horoscope, it would have happened. So, I'm back to square one with these zodiac signs and all this astrology crap.

But overall, this day, aside from it being some huge stupid holiday, its been good. It did incorporate one of the messages that the holiday portrays. Love. And I got love from the people around me. I truly appreciate that. Not only today, but always.

Now if you don't mind, I am actually going to blog about a few other things. Possibly write a few things later on, and get to some homework. Heh.

And finally, the romantic music changed. I am listening to Miss Murder by AFI. Hah!

Peace and Love
Xoxo
Maria

That's What the World Thought Today

2010-02-09T21:03:00.000-08:00

Today was just an... it was an abnormal day. Haven't blogged in awhile, and I certainly haven't blogged about contact with this person in the longest. But, today was just that day.

As mentioned... many months ago, way back in August, I was so devastated that a certain person was not coming back. I cried hysterically to points where I couldn't breathe because I had spent my whole summer regretting not doing things sooner. I spent my entire summer having recurring dreams of this person. I spent the first few months of tenth grade stuck in a rut, because I could have sworn I saw signs of this certain person. I could smell their fragrance, I could see them and hear them, and I would have a bittersweet feeling inside of me, and I would go blank.

And then, things changed in October, where I decided to do something about that rut. My own change, because I had received a signal. And then things fall back into normality. I fall for someone new in the course of November to now.

Now, there is a new addition to this.

The person came back. Came back when I least expected it.

Everyone was very happy that he came back. I was very chill about it, laid back. "Swell; Cool," were my only replies. Because I felt absolutely nothing to him coming back. I tried justifying myself so many times, and no one believes me. Throughout the whole day, people were saying comments about me, perhaps hoping for feelings to reemerge? I ignored it all, like if he didn't exist. Perhaps not the best thing at the moment, to ignore him, but when it all calms down, I guess then I won't be so defensive. When I am sure at least most of the people, even my own friends know that I don't see him the same way anymore, then it will all feel less tense.

Overall though, today was a good day. Happy to see someone come back, no matter what history there has been. It'll be a pleasure to see others happy and stuff. So thats good. Meanwhile, I have things on my mind, nothing really big, just a Monday event on my mind. And well, I am pretty good.

New semester has begun, since yesterday. Its alright. Bummer I don't have Erika for 6th and 4th anymore, and well a few people are in my class and some have left my classes. Spanish is my main nerve, I hate it, because of ghetto girls that just can't shut up. Although today was an improvement. Diego and I killed time with Tic- Tac Toe. And yesterday was Diego's birthday! Heh, he got a cake from his girlfriend and that wa distributed at lunchtime. It smeared my face, hair and shirt. I had a great time though, and happy to see Diego finally be sixteen. Hope he doesn't get cockier. Ahaha, kidding. :]

Tomorrow is Sam's birthday. Sixteen too. Then Kathy's, sixteen. William Beckett, twenty-five. Then Robert, sixteen. My friend Sang, sixteen. That makes February. Heh. So many birthdays.

Done blogging for now. Hoping for a reunion this Saturday at Hollywood.
Hope it all goes according to plan.

Peace and Love
Xoxo
Maria

(P.S) Twenty-three more days.

Lighted Telephone

2010-02-07T17:36:00.000-08:00

I was fortunate to find a few coins in my pocket,
probably change from the soda I bought earlier in the evening.
Now here I am, sitting in a green bench, with my black bike by my side
Wondering what to do with this spare change.
Perhaps I should throw it in a fountain, and make a wish
That will never become a reality.
Maybe I should just give it to the man standing by the corner,
Who would need it more than me.
But by my own selfish impulses, I clutched on to the measly coins
and decided to make a better use of them then making a foolish wish.
I walked towards the payphone,
And I entered the stand, slowly closing the black door behind me.
I struggled with my pockets to grab those measly coins
And I slipped each one through the slot.
Hesitating, I dialed your number.
Each digit was a heavier load for me, and the nerves began to creep in.
Ringing began.
Ring. Ring. Ring.
I heard your voice across the line.
"Hello? Anybody there? Hello?"
I let out a sharp breath and I shut my eyes.
Perhaps you heard me, but I wasn't going to give you the chance to speak anymore.
I hung up on you, and I ran out towards my black bike,
I quickly got on it and I began pedaling home.
By my own selfish impulses, I dialed your number
When I could have just been more thoughtful and given it to the poor man in the corner.

Uhmm while trying to find a topic to blog about today, I was looking through my files to post a picture for today's blog. And I decided to put this one up. I stared at it and I thought "How is this going to relate to my post?" (Which I had no idea what I was going to write about either.) But as I stared at it for awhile longer, I decided to do a small writing, instead of an actual post. So I began writing whatever came to mind, and I came up with that. The payphone made me think of coins, and money, and then phone calls, which led to communication with others. So that all kinda got incorporated into this. And well yeah. Honestly, I do not know what to make my usual posts about... I'll probably think of something later on.

Anyways, enjoy. :]

Peace and Love
Xoxo
Maria

The Day Off

2010-02-04T14:44:00.000-08:00

I am so happy today is a Thursday. I woke up today, and I was so happy not to be in school. Finals FINALLY ended for me, and I have today and Friday off. I might go with Erika tomorrow to Glendale, but nothing is clear yet, since my mom, is choking me with the leash she has over me. I am really limited.

Anyways, today when I went to go get breakfast, I checked for anything new or something that could catch my attention. Something did, and it had me thinking for about 20 minutes, while I was writing it in my journal, I realized that around this time... this date... this date was important.

February 4, 2009. I stopped talking to William that day. Full of tears, and a numb sensation in which I couldn't feel anything, I ripped him out of my life and decided not to talk to him at all anymore. His lies really had me believing in something, which was all false. Now, it has been a year. I can say that after that date, I had a whole different view on the things around me, and things began to change with me. It was the good, the bad, and the ugly. =P

Yet during the year, there were a few moments where I would think, maybe I should talk to him again. Tempted, but never done. Still, to this very moment, I wonder if I should. Especially since I have heard from Erika how he has been, or from Israel. Really, I wonder. I don't have much time. I never do, so I think I should make a choice soon.

This weekend, I will be participating in a fifteen. Not really looking forward to it, because of one of the dances we have to do. Its too cheesy. Too... -shudders- Never again will "Shake It" by Metro Station sounds as appealing...

Well, I think that aside from that, I really haven't done much. Just reading William Beckett's blog, and I hung out with Erika on Tuesday, and we ate at Tomm'ys. Yumm. And I hung out at her house until five something, and my mom got pissed, but as I said, when it comes to my mom now I really don't care anymore. Its unfortunate to say this, but that lady does not understand me. =P

Anyways, I am off! Byee!

Peace and Love
Xoxo
Maria

Theatre

2010-02-01T21:44:00.000-08:00

Theatre
College Class
Friendships, Skits, Monologue
The beginning of Sparks
Drama.

Today, while I was in Pathways, I was done with my CAHSEE practice exam, and I was looking around the room. My teacher, Mr. Rowe, has different posters relating to poetry or figurative language, like oxymorons, metaphors, and today I had found some new posters I hadn't read. Limericks, Haiku's and he one that kind of gave me the idea of how to write what came to mine today, cinquain. They don't really seem that hard. You just have to choose the right words to make the poem stand out I guess. Well I dunno. Basically, its five lines, and in line one, theres one word about the subject you will write about. Line 2 has two words, describing your subject.
Line three, has three words, using actions for your subject, and line four has four words describing the actions. Line 5 is only one word and its rephrasing your subject.

So, as I was bored in Pathways class, I was wondering if I could use this method to write at least something. And I was thinking about a few things that occurred last year that have really left a mark. I chose my theater class, and I wrote something small and simple. Yet, it has more than that...?

I keep thinking about what Vernon said. -Laughs-
He hates poetry. He would rather just be straightforward and not write it in all this symbolic messaging and stuff. He thinks its a waste of time.

Personally, it isn't. I love writing poetry... well... not... poetry, but just writing. Its a way to put something into an image, a symbol, an idea, without having to be so straightforward. You imply it, and its up to you to decide what is said or not.

Well, enjoy. Heh.

Peace and Love
Xoxo
Maria

Barely There And Boston Bound

2010-01-31T15:43:00.000-08:00

Barely there, and Boston bound

You’re not where I need you

I don’t care who else is around

To witness this loneliness

So I’ll paste this plastic smile in it’s proper place,

and shoot a few across the room

In secret, hoping this disguise that encases me cracks,

exposing fractions of my true face

And while the bright light fights through the space it creates

I squint and struggle to adjust my eyes to it

And in that moment I see a shape start to fill the frame

Dark and undistinguished, I try my best to sharpen focus

I hope to life to find you there,

My fabled love, the fate of fear

The fear of fate, the face of faith

I told myself I’d never pray, never ask a single thing

Wasted words, a stammer curse,

I’d give anything to hear that voice of yours say my name

Barely there, and Boston bound

You’re not where I need you

I don’t care who else is around

To witness this loneliness

Deep breaths and exhaustion sets,

While I stutter through

Another afternoon

Without you.

Ahhh William Beckett. I am now following his blog on Tumblr, and it has a whole bunch of posts, so I am starting to read them from the very beginning. And I found this on page... three or two, and its not a song, its just something he wrote. Like a poem I guess. But I love it, its great. I am sure it can be a great song too. Heh. He's a great writer, and it certainly catches my attention. I am very fond of this guy, possibly just as much as Kurt Cobain or Freddie Mercury. Anyways, enjoy. :]

Peace and Love
Xoxo
Maria

My Walk With A Dog

2010-01-29T18:31:00.000-08:00

My titles for these blogs get really... uncreative.

Although, it does relate to my blog, so hurray.

Friday, afterschool, I went to Erika's house, and I met her new dog named Princess (or Kat). Her neighbors owned it, but she is going to start taking care of it now. She is a Labrador mixed with another breed I think, and she is barely a baby. A pretty heavy baby too. And very wild. She toppled me to the floor when she jumped on me. Erika and I were going to bathe her, and then give her a walk. It was pretty fun; she was scared of the water, she tried getting out a lot. But it was fun. she is squeaky clean. And then I decided to walk her. She pulled me a lot, but I was able to hold her. She got distracted a lot by patches of grass as well. Toby was scared of her! Poor doggie! Ahaha. Also, Erika and I bought pizza and I was able to watch a bit of The Pregnancy Pact. Retarded brats man I swear...

Aside from that, you can say last week was pretty okay. Had its few complications along the way, and although that happened, it all ended up pretty smoothly.

Albina had shown this pretty cool catalog of dresses, and one of them actually caught my attention. It was this white strapless one and it had some blackish design in the bottom. I already mentioned it to my parents, and they liked it too. So I think I might get it. Her brother also asked me if I wanted to work as a salesman (Or saleswoman?) of the dresses, and I get paid for selling the dresses! I haven't mentioned this to my parents yet, but I'll ask them during the weekend. It would be so cool if I sold dresses. Aahaha, and another way to earn money. :D

As for last weekend, I was supposed to go to Priscy's birthday party, but well my mom didn't allow me. Honestly, I was very moody about this throughout the whole weekend, especially on Saturday, because I felt very guilty, I pushed myself to get grounded, and now I just want to be free, and do what I want, like before. Its frustrating to overthink it at times, and my mom doesn't even notice my frustration. So, its a lot. But, by the end of the weekend, my mom and I went shopping (still moody) but she got me some make up at Bloomingdale's. It got a bit brighter with Jamba Juice. And then, I talked with Vernon about something very interesting indeed... and that officially put a real smile on my face. Suddenly, the weekend didn't seem so bad. Problems, or obstacles in the way didn't seem so bad, because I saw the joy of others, and I felt their joy, and it made me happy.

And as for THIS week, finals began. I had English and Math today. Messed up on English. I had to do this thing called the Hero's Journey, I forgot one of the steps. Darn it, I hope I at least get some credit for it. My goal is to pass all my classes with A's, and no B's. I want to get straight A's!
I stayed up until 11 PM trying to finish a graphic novel, and right now I am trying to complete my cheat sheet for Biology. Truly, I have reached the point where I can't even lift my own fingers to write a cheat sheet because I am too distracted, or I just slack off... I need to get back on track. I really... I really don't know what happened. I remembered at first, I was so into it, I would do it as soon as possible, and now, I can't. I need to retrace my steps, so I can't slack off anymore.

Tomorrow: Spanish and Biology await me. Not a fan of either subject, especially Spanish. With Robert bragging that accents are easy, really, this isn't my best topic. I can put my insecurities when it comes to Biology on a cheat sheet, and thats fine. I hope. But Spanish, I gotta study. Well... I'll TRY to.

And now, as I am listening to "You Might Have Noticed" by The Academy Is, doing my cheat sheet, and reading William Beckett's blog, I am done blogging. I hope for a better day tomorrow, and just to overcome the obstacles of finals.

Peace and Love
Xoxo
Maria

Gee, Its A Monday

2010-01-25T17:00:00.000-08:00

... And as usual, I am distracted from my typical goal. And as usual, it is schoolwork.

But, I ate Taco Bell, my tummy is satisfied, and I am good to go!

So, as my title says, its a Monday, and its the first day of the week, which is pretty okay. But today was a good day. There was nothing wrong, it was all calm and at peace. Well, Diego kind of worried me a bit, there seems to be a situation going on, but I hope he feels better soon. I don't like seeing him like this. Lunchtime was pretty cool too! Erika and I went looking for Karen, who went home! Ahaha, I hope she had a good time napping, since she said she was tired. Erika and I saw Sperm Ball, and he is so cute! Ahh, he is just... wowzers. On Friday he was wearing a leather jacket, and I immediately was like... "He IS the next Kiki-X" And aside from that, lunchtime was pretty cool.

Its rare that I zone out, but especially zoning out in my favorite class, History. Well, I zoned out. Before that, I had seen something, and I went blank. Completely blank. I freaked. I didn't want to be there in History class, I had the urge to go run out the door, because I felt the need to search for something. It was just... it took me the whole hour to get off that blank setting. And then it came back in the way to 6th, because I saw that thing again! Well not really went blank, but my heart was pounding. I freaked! I'm not going to go into detail of what I saw, but really... it still causes an impact to me. D:

On a more interesting note, today Juana said I look skinnier. Its true. I told her I weigh officially 105 pounds now, and she began asking me if it was something I wanted to do, and we began talking about it. It was pretty fun! But that made me reflect about my weight. I really do hope I stop losing weight, I mean I don't even TRY to lose weight anymore, but I still seem to. But really, I hope I don't lose anymore, because I can't afford to buy more pants, heck I can barely afford to buy myself food! I really need to start saving my money!

English class was pretty fun today! We had to do this thing called "Odadspilt" on a poem we found. I chose one by Emily Dickinson. Its called "If I can Stop One Heart." And I read it in 8th grade, and I immediately got into it. I also found one of her poems in our English textbook, and its called "Heart! We Will Forget Him!" Its a really great poem and it feels like it can relate to me at the moment. I swear man, I am really into poetry now, like Walt Whitman, Edgar Allen Poe, Emily Dickinson, Robert Frost, E.E Cummings, I just want to read more of their works. So I think I'll do that some time later. I am sure I can get a few ideas by reading their poems on how to work with my writings. Hopefully.
Also, Erika, Juana, William, Cristian and I began playing this game where if they said a word you have to think of a song that has that word and you gotta sing that verse. I suck at singing, and I got really shy, but I got a few of the words. I wish I could play that game now! Well tomorrow I guess.

Uhmm, aside from that... this weekend was pretty alright. Worked with my mom, she owes me ten bucks. Ahaha. She got me upset a bit, but its alright now. Also uhmm, on Friday, it hailed! Karen and I walked in the hail and that was pretty fun. Got a bit chilly though, but bomb. Oh and Karen finally made a formspring and a tumblr, so thats pretty awesome too! Its been fun! Heh. Got Victor in trouble, mwahaha. Uhh... woke up late, felt pretty good to sleep. Heh.

But uhh, I think thats about it for now. Heh, I really gotta get working, I really do get distracted a lot. Heh. So bye byeee!

Peace and Love
Xoxo
Maria

Biology Class, What Fun

2010-01-22T08:58:00.000-08:00

Hehehe, its funny to watch Karen work on her Biology paper. she looks so concentrated.

Diego looks... calm. He looks funny to me too. Heh.

So I am blogging right now, and we are in the computer lab. I am in between Karen and Diego as you can see, and we were supposed to write a whole bunch of paragraphs on something about genetically modified crops. =P

Pretty lame work.

Karen says "Fucking boring shit."

Hahaha.

Karen and I are also looking forward to lunchtime, because if it rains, we get to walk out in the rain and get wet! Its gonna be fun if it does rain. If not, then what a bummer. Gahhhhh.

Diego still looks funny.

Now he is looking... he got mad. :/

He says "What the fuck?!"
"imma fucking kick the shit out of you."
"stop writing down the things I say!"
"Stop!"

Okay okay I am done making fun of Diego. That was High-larious. Jesus.

Okay I am done blogging, I really ran out of things to write about.

KAREN: you dork. Writing things that Diego said =p

Funny though

Alrighty! Heheh. Laters!

Peace and Love
Xoxo
Maria

The Rain Just Evaporates Off My Body

2010-01-20T15:50:00.000-08:00

I think it has been about the third consecutive day of raining. And they said that today was going to be worse. Doesn't seem like it. The sun seems to be brightening up the clouds, and it really hasn't been pouring that hard.

Yesterday on the other hand, was a totally different story. I had to take the bus home, because apparently my mom or my dad weren't there. My boots were completely soaked by the time I got home, and my scarf, backpack, sweater, and hair were damp. As soon as I come in the door I find my dad relaxing in the sofa, and apparently my mom had been waiting for me. SHE was going to pick me up and after all that confusion I had to call her to explain to her I got home. She was mad because apparently "I had wasted her time." Really, this is nothing to blame with me. And maybe if both of my parents agreed on who was picking me up, I probably wouldn't be walking my ass in the rain. But yeah, great thing my mom did yesterday. Pissed me off, but I feel much better now.

Yesterday something pretty happened occurred when I was talking to Robert, and he brought up a really weird question, which I will not go into detail, but certainly it was weird as he claimed it to be. Not only that but it brought me into hysterical fits of laughter. It really did make me laugh. I really do hope things were different for him today. But even deeper than that, I was kind of surprised that he would ask me or talk to me about something like this, and just the fact that, I dunno, it was one of the most amusing conversations I have had with him. Certainly funny, and memorable. I am not going to stop making fun of him now. Hehe.

As for today, it was kind of lonely. Erika and Karen didn't come to school. And during lunchtime I went to the library and got the second part of the Divine Comedy, and I went downstairs and sat next to the wall and I began to read. And then Albina and Samantha come and they said that they were looking for me. My sincerest apologies for making them walk out in the rain to look for me.

Also, Israel and I argued a lot today. We argued in Pathways, English, Avid, and a bit in math. Ms. Bone compared us to an old married couple, which made me laugh but at the same time I am not old! And I am not married to Israel, although recently he's been telling Erika and I that when we have our ten year high school reunion, we are going to have a threesome. O.o

I am not exactly sure that I am going to take part of this. Hahaha, but its certainly fun to joke around with him. He makes me laugh. Haha.

And currently, I am listening to Oasis. I love the song I am hearing right now, "Stand By Me."
Really, I love the lyrics, and they mention rain! Fits into the situation at the moment.

And well, I am off. I need to interpret a few dreams I remember having, probably going to blog later on... when I have the time. But hope you enjoyed this post and have a good time. If you like the rain, great, and if not, well I hope you are dry and snug. :]

Peace and Love
Xoxo
Maria

In Response

2010-01-17T16:57:00.001-08:00

Its cold, and I am eating a bowl of cereal. Jeez.

January 19. The only reason this day has significance is because it is Erika's birthday, other than that, it would be just like any other dull day. But Erika is special, and I love her very much. She is one year older, one year wiser, and its great. Heh. I am happy for her and I got her a ring as a birthday present. I really hope she liked it. Afterschool, Erika, Brigette, Kathy and I went to Starbucks and we went to go get something. I got a hot chocolate. I lost my five dollars, which really sucked ass because well, I want to earn my money and I told Erika I wouldn't waste that money. Instead, I lose it. Not exactly the best moment of the day. Hah. But anyways, I got a hot chocolate and it warmed by body up and I felt great. Then I had to go home, so that was my fun moment of the day.

Now on to a different topic...

Lately I have been reading Vernon's blog. And I saw that he has made his 100th post. Congratulations Vernon. It was certainly a funny and amusing post to read, totally a memorable post indeed. And as for your most recent one, pretty good too. Maybe someday I'll do a video post too. Just blab on for about ten minutes or five... who knows? Hahaha.

Well, of course, if you are living in California (pretty much the only people who read my blog live in California anyways), it has been raining! And oh boy, it has been some pretty hardcore raining. Its not just your usual drizzling, its been a straight out pour! Erika and I were freaking out about going to 5th because we were going to get wet. And then afterschool, Karen enjoyed getting wet in the rain, while I borrowed her umbrella for the day and it helped me stay dry. Sooner or later though, I gotta join Karen because I want to feel that wet rain in my skin. Its fun times. Hehe. I just gotta have back up clothes though, or else the teachers are not gonna let me in. Haha.

Uhmm, I just realized I gotta bust a few missions, like... finally getting over fears of talking to someone again, and... just talking to someone again. I mean seriously, time passes by so fast, and its like sooner than never. I have to stop procrastinating about so many things, even my dreams are telling me stop procrastinating, no matter how weird they are. Haha.

Which reminds me, I gotta interpret a dream.

Also, I shared with Robert a dream I had that involved him and he said "You have pretty badass dreams" I have never had my dreams been called badass, just weird and crazy, oh and funny. So this was a pretty interesting comment. Haha.

Well, I think I am done blogging for the day. Certainly I put a bit of my thoughts into this post, and now I am off to do other things... like homework, a never ending process, and just a bit of reading. Its something I gotta catch up on.

Peace and Love
Xoxo
Maria

(P.S) I just remembered that I got my PSAT scores today. The average score is about 1740, and my teacher said its okay if we don't pass that level. And well, I got my scores today. I got a 1660. Which I am absolutely proud of because I did pretty average, like a C or something, and my teacher said I am doing pretty great. This certainly is a proud moment for me. Heh.

My First Week Back

2010-01-16T15:58:00.000-08:00

Well, I am back in school, and the week finally ended yesterday. For a first week, it was pretty alright. A scale of one to ten, probably a six. I wouldn't really qualify it that high.

This entire week, things have always been clouding my mind. And well, they haven't exactly been something easy to handle with.

School is one. I guess I am still accommodating to the fact that it started, and I was happy not there. I dunno why, I guess I was just fond of the sleeping in. Doing everything at ease. And now that I am back in school, there's work, and well, I am sure that this little thing clouding up my mind will surely fade away once I grow used to school once more.

Family is another. Once more, I have gotten into an argument with my mom about something, and my dad was actually getting very upset, and that drew me for the second consecutive Friday to tears because I was just overwhelmed and frustrated. My family has really gotten me very... limited at the moment. I can't go out anymore, because my mom found out that I hung out with the guys and stuff, so she got ver overprotective. Thank god she didn't tell my dad. I wouldn't have been alive. She has now decided to limit my time online as well, because she thinks that I am a lowlife and I am not doing my part around the house, which I have been doing, but apparently nothing is perfect for my mom. As for my dad, who just got mad at both my mom and I, that was harsh. That hurt me too.

And, well then there's social life, friends. There were a few troubles with a few friends this week. And well, by the end, I had talked to those friends about it, and well thats that.

But of course not all has been bad.

School, although it has its work, I have been working really hard and doing my homework without that many distractions. And, the counselor called me in on Thursday afterschool to tell me that my grades are great and to keep up with them.

Family, well they are fine. Now that I realize it more, even though I can get into many arguments with my mom and dad, they can be a great amount of comfort to me because I feel at home. Or just the concept of home soothes me at times. And that reassures me of the world around me when I need it.

Friends, well they are always there when I need them. They always make things fun and I can trust them about anything. So, with them I feel like myself, and I am confident and alright.

Then there's a topic I haven't mentioned. The love life. Currently... yeah, I have feelings for someone. Feelings that I am pretty sure might fade away soon. Either way, they must. They are feelings that will never surface into this world and become a reality. On an interesting note, I found out that someone is attracted to me yesterday. I am not giving away names, but, I've had my gut feeling on it for quite some time already. I do not know if I can return these feelings anytime soon, but this person has certainly caught my attention and I do wonder. Hopefully soon, I might. :]

Uhhmmm... as for today overall, its been okay. I got a few gifts from one of my mom's clients. A VERY late Christmas gift. And well, I have grown fond of South Park, and my mom's client knows that, so my gift was a South Park decoration, a South Park water bottle (like those stainless steel ones) and an actual picture of the characters and the makers of South Park signed it for me, Trey Parker and Matt Stone. So I m actually very happy and moved with this gift. I mean its certainly not something like WHOA, extravagant, but for me its something awesome. So I am really happy about that.

Well, I think thats about it. I ran out of something to write in this post, so I am done blogging for today.

Peace and Love
Xoxo
Maria

Brainfreeze

2010-01-13T16:44:00.000-08:00

Yummm. -Drools-

Hehe, today I ate some frozen strawberries they were giving at school. I am not sure if their intention was to actually freeze them, or to they just did a bad job at thawing them out. Either way, I ate them and I tried swallowing them but I got a brain freeze. It was so bad, I felt such a relief to swallow them. Hah. They were also serving calzone, which I did not get, because every time I go get lunch, they don't have anything good. But when I don't go, they do!

I just have really bad luck apparently. Hah. -pouts-

Right now my mood is a bit tense, a bit upset, a bit overwhelmed. Its all a hurricane of aggression and frustration. I feel like punching a wall, or screaming. Screaming is awesome. I want to scream! :D
Anything to let out that anger you know? Its not really a feeling I like. I hate getting angry, I mean really, I do, its such a weird feeling... I'm blabbing, Imma shut up.

Anyways, school was pretty alright. From a scale of one to ten, a seven. Not bad. Schoolwork still has its certain boring parts, but at the moment, I wouldn't mind doing schoolwork. It distracts my mind, and right now I don't want my mind to wander off. I want to have a hold on it, with a leash.

Once more, I am blabbing.

Uhh, so something I have or want to accomplish lately is to keep reading "The Inferno" by Dante Alighieri. I am currently up to Canto Seven, so its not too bad. This time I am taking my time to read it and go back to see if I don't get anything. I also want to earn money this week, so that means I gotta go work with my mom. I want to earn my money for the least six weeks, so I can have about 120 dollars and then I can pay for half of my iPhone, for my birthday that is. Even though my birthday is two months away. I really gotta start earning money. Hmm, and possibly start being less distracted by the computer. This seriously doesn't help me accomplish anything related to schoolwork. Its more fun, but I have to stop getting distracted. Hah.

American Idol was out yesterday. Ninth season. I wasn't going to watch it, but Erika convinced me to. I mean without Paula, is it really worth watching, and now that Simon will be leaving... its crazy. However, I had fun watching it, and I enjoyed Simon's criticism. Made me laugh. And some of the people auditioning were outstanding. Like this guy named Taylor, goodness gracious! I mean he isn't exactly attractive, but his voice, is great. And then this guy who sang "Fall For You" by Secondhand Serenade, WOW! Ahahaha, it has caught my attention again. :D

Oh, so has anyone heard about the earthquake in Haiti? Its everywhere on the news right now, and they just mentioned it. Its a scary concept, earthquakes. The earth shakes, and your priority is not to fall, or have anything fall ON you. Its really sad to see this on the news. I mean, people are dead and its been horribly catastrophic. Ahh, earthquakes.

Well, this post really hasn't accomplished much. Hah. I talked about frozen strawberries, school, anger, American Idol, and earthquakes. Yup, uhhm, I gotta do my homework. Heh.

Peace and Love
Xoxo
Maria

School Has Begun, Again

2010-01-12T15:23:00.003-08:00

Going on to my second day of school, and so far its been okay. The work isn't intense, yet. Hah. And it feels a bit long, some classes more than others, but its all good. It feels mellow and peaceful. :]

At the moment, I have other things in my mind. I am freaking out about my Anti-Virus and crap, AVG is not supposed to fail! Haha. So, I am checking up on it, because I don't want a computer that crashes on me. That's just one of the worst things in the world.

But, as I said, it has been the first two days of school.

Yesterday, uhmm, it was okay. I mean it was just like "How was your winter break" and blah blah. We got back to work and well, I felt blank. I lost most of what I knew in three weeks, especially in math. I felt dumb for a moment. Hah. And well, it was always nice to see my friends again, certainly was a pleasure. Albina had her birthday on Sunday, and I noticed she has a cellphone, which is really interesting. Its a Blackberry. Its a nice phone.
Karen wants a Blackberry. Heh. Erika and I took the bus together, so that was fun.

As for today uhhmm, I didn't want to wake up, my bed was warm and snug, I didn't want to get up! Haha. But I got ready for school, left and uhhm, yeah! We got out early today, hurrah and it was fun. Once more, I took the bus with Erika and we had a good time talking about a few things. Hehe. And now I am home, my Anti-Virus still worries me, but I am sure it will be fine.

Tomorrow, I hope for... another good day? O.o
Yep. The work is nothing I can avoid, so I hope I can handle it. Uhhmm, I hope my friends and I have a fun time tomorrow again. Always fun.

School is a boring topic now. Haha.

So I have been having a formspring now, for about a week. And I already got a few questions answered. Its quite funny, and Erika's formspring makes me laugh. They ask her very weird questions.

And now, well I just remembered that I had a dream, and I must find out the meaning of this dream, so I am off to interpret my dream. They always leave me very curious.

Well I gotta do my homework. I want to finish early again while I have the time to. Heh.

Peace and Love
Xoxo
Maria